What If I Was Gay (feat. Joyner Lucas)

Uh
What if I told you that I was different?
What if I told you that’s something's missin'?
And what if I told you we're not alike
And the way that I'm feel inside is different than what you picture
What if I told you I feel divided?
Keep to myself and I'm awfully quiet
And what if I told you I been conflicted by my own thoughts
Trapped in the dark, and I tried to hide it
No, I'm not a slave to no fuckin' fairy tale
I bet you think that you know me very well
Make no mistake, this is not a cry for help
'Cause I don't owe no one no explanation on how I feel

But on the real, what if I told you that I was brave?
I grew up different than I was raised
But still, what if I told you I'm out of place? Wait
What if I told you that I was gay?

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh

Yeah
What if I told you I'm not alright?
I mean, I don't feel dead, but I'm not alive
And what if I told you: I'm not like you
And the shit that I'm goin' through, it'll prolly make you cry
And what if I told you: I'm not this
And the person you think you know don't exist
Look, I'm not who you know, I'm not who you wish
I'm not who you want me to be, what you want from me isn't this
I grew up in church where I couldn't be myself
I felt like a prisoner, couldn't leave my cell
They told me: God don't like ugly, — and this an ugly world
And if I ever seen things different, I would burn in hell

And on the real, this is not new, this is not a phase
I grew up different than I was raised
But still, what if I told you I'm out of place? Wait
What if I told you that I was gay?

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh

What if I told you I'm homophobic?
And you have zero control over your impulses
And the genetic flaw in your chromosomes is the culprit
It's something I can't sugarcoat, it's repulsive
We were homies, since children, I thought it
But thought I was buggin', though
'Cause we'd sit, chill and just talk chicks
Now how can we be friends still after all this
Unless, I can convince you to repent
Ask God to forgive you for your sins
And begin healin' your conscience
And rid you of this sick illness that causes it
Part of me wishes you'd kept this shit, still in the closet
I'm white but I'm gettin' mixed feelings like Logic
Yeah, I'm pissed off a little, this is a choice
We were supposed to be boys
You're actin' like this ain't optional
What if I said you was weak?
'Cause you don't got the strength
To conquer some biological monster that's part of you
That's responsible for them homosexual thoughts
If you don't want a lecture, part
Like a sofá section or long as you

Make your decision and stand by it, but I can't be beside it
'Cause for me, that'd be next to impossible
Or you learn to control your urges
You say: It's like pullin' teeth and morals are oral surgeons
But how would you even know anyways if you're a virgin
Why can't you be a normal person?
What if I tried steerin' you towards a girlfriend?
Wouldn't work, would it? You seem pretty surefooted
I'm sure good at judgin', but I have no right
I know goodbyes seems cold, right?
Not even a flicker of hope like a strobe light
As I leave and I swear I stayed up that whole night
And no, I didn't know you would go right home and go take your own life
I ain't mean for that shit to happen, I said I won't cry
I let the best friend that I've ever known die
Alone, was gonna tell you the next day
I'm so sorry, I'm fightin' my own demons, I won't lie
They won't leave me alone, eatin' at my soul, this whole time
I've been tortured, imprisoned in my own mind
A born again Christian but Lord if you're listenin'
We might be headed for a collision
'Cause when I told my boy I couldn't support his decision
I was tryna make it seem like a choice, when it isn't
Can't be cured with a prayer to Saint Jude
What If I told you my wish never came true?
What if I'm a hypocrite who is afraid to just face truth? Wait
What if I told you I'm gay too?

Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh
Duh nuh