I’m thinking about horses

I'm thinking about horses

I'm thinking about God
Is it a he or a she or a feeling or love?
Does she personally ordain every
Occurrence in every
Moment or did she set the
Universe in motion and then move on?
To try and top her achievement
Maybe this universe wasn't an
Achievement at all
Maybe our lives, our wars
Our fuckups, our diseases
Our love, our humanity, our
Passion, our pennies
Our holocaust are all just a
Rehearsal before the show
A sketch before the mural
A stretch before the jump
Does she love me? Does God know I'm here?
I'm thinking about god
I'm thinking about sex
I've been holy all day and acted in
Ways that deserve adjectives like honorable
Good and straight
But it's after 10 PM now and I'm bored
I watched a movie on the internet
Alone and now it's over
I pick up my phone and text every
Female I know within a 15-mile radius
It's a terrible thing that deserves
Adjectives like chauvinistic, objectifying
Asshole-ish i made that up just for myself
"Hey Nicole" "Oh hey what's up Mike? I'm
About to get in bed, you?"
'I'm chillin'
I just been thinking about you winky face"
"Haha really random
I haven't seen you in so long
What made you think about me?"
"Well, to be honest
I was watching a movie on
The internet and it's over now i'm bored and
I'm thinking about sex"

I'm thinking about horses
They're so goddamn regal
Their muscles ripple through their skin like
Waves in a little ocean magnificent beasts
But why the fuck do they listen to us?
They're so much bigger
They're so much stronger than they know but
They trade freedom for a dependable meal
They let people get on top of them
And tell them where to go
But how can I judge?
Is that not exactly what I do?
Is that not exactly what we all do?
I'm thinking about horses
I'm thinking about dad
He's 70 and he's just starting to get old
Things are gonna change soon
I don't feel ready for the
Change that's coming soon
I am standing on the beach
Watching the tsunami grow from
A minuscule rise in
The horizon into a monstrous tidal wave
I am not moving, I am not
Scared, I am not scared
I am not wearing swimwear, I
Am standing on the beach
Waiting for the tsunami
And dad taught me about love and sacrifice
But that's sorta like a book that
You read and forgot about
'Cause I don't love and I don't sacrifice
And youth was my excuse for that
But that excuse is getting old maybe I'm gay
I'm thinking about dad

I'm thinking about Ronnie
His stepmom kicked him out because he
Wasn't hers so he moved
To the hood with his mom and 8 half brothers
I stopped hanging out with him then when
He needed my friendship the most
That was 9 years ago
His mom's sick now so he takes care of
Her and the rest of the family the oldest
He lives with them in a little
House on Schaffer in Detroit
I live with no one in a
Million dollar house in Los Angeles
I'm thinking about Ronnie

I'm thinking about death
What if this plane goes down?
That would be okay i had a good run
I wonder if a lot of people
Would come to my funeral
Maybe my fans would do something special
Maybe they'd cry and maybe it'd
Be in the newspaper
Yeah, I think I'd get on the Detroit news
Probably not the New York Times
You people will probably like my
Music more when I'm dead
'Cause they'll know no more is coming
You see people love stories with endings
Right now I'm just a story
Thats sorta dragging on slowly
Page by page, year by year
But people want an ending, they want a crash
They want an ear in the fucking mail
I don't have one
All I have is another lousy poem and
The knowledge that I'll
Probably die somewhere
Confused and decrepit in a nursing home
But I don't think this plane's gonna crash
I'm thinking about Otis
I'm thinking about Kurt
I'm thinking about Dilla i'm thinking about

Death