Broken Home (feat. Mady LaFlamme)

Don't know why I said that I love you
I don't even love myself
Maybe when I say I love you I'm just crying out for help
I've been turning to self harm now all four kids now they have seen it
I've been beaten
I need Jesus
I be screaming but He never comes
We got demons stopping us from better love
In that aspect I think that our children are ahead of us
Building bonds beyond the wrongs that seep out of our walls
I'm hoping these same issues they don't plague them as adults
The only peace I found was watching my babies crawl and take they first steps
I forget I'm fighting the urges of when the Heavens call
With heat upon my hands I feel that pressure in my palms
Until I hear a "Mom what's wrong" and I got to snap back in
I wish that I could tell them I got nothing left to give, no will to live
And here in is the issue, I am fearing hate will get you
When four times the Lord has blessed you, but besides that He forgets you
You start to forget you
Living in a broken home
Living with a broken soul
All the tears that I own
Are spilled out on the floor
Fuck you
I say fuck you
I say love you
I say trust you
I say bless you
I say help me
Can you please just define healthy
I been in the wrong space for a long time
Right heart wrong guy
Trauma always on time
Healing takes a long time
I've been tryna find God turning to the wrong guides
Wanna take my own life
Mountains that I'm gonna climb
Two devils on my shoulder working Bonnie and Clyde
Every river I cry turn around become dry
Ain't no sunshine
Always tongue tied
Sleep with one eye
I'm just one guy
With nowhere to love
I hate who I've become
And where I come from
We all know we could do better
But what's resolution if the pain just lasts forever
I remember growing up I said I would never be like them
Now we screaming every night, know my kids hear every word that's said
The other day they passed a note under door saying
They miss when mommy and daddy would just play with them
Living in a broken home
Living with a broken soul
All the tears that I own
Are spilled out on the floor
I wish I could say that I love you
I'm the one all the girls run through
I'm just reaching the next climax
Hate what my vices have come to
I've been hurting everyone around as of late
You know the pain that's caused when the old you has no restraint
Bit through twenty birthday cakes
Been on like fifty first dates
Devastated about all the women I hurt finding my love was actually hate
That's what happens when a whole family mistake bashing for passion
And lasting for captions
They blasting the captives
Trauma is overreacting
And they reach for reactions
Because the pastor was taxing
So their prayers never land like the Jackson's
And they fall back to Jerome
And it takes a poem about a rose
Out the foundations of broken homes
Many of my kin have aged but never grown
In a coma for longer, now spouses are to conquer
Taken for granted back in Concord
Looking down, permanent posture
Been affection imposters
Been passed down for generations
Don't mistake it
Right now I can't escape
This broken home it weighs me down and I
I can't get out
Living in a broken home
Living with a broken soul
All the tears that I own
Are spilled out on the floor
I can't take no more
I pray to the Lord
My family needs the help
Protect me from myself