Johnny Came Home Headless

Oh, Johnny was a tall man but his memory was short
He'd forget to duck at doorways and often he'd get hurt
I took good care of him for he had no family
Actually he did, but he forgot who they be

Johnny often liked to go out on the town
He'd forget where he'd be going so he'd just wander around
I knew when he was back for I would hear the smack
Of his head hitting the doorway but tonight it was alack

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace
But wherever it's a-lying there's a smile upon his face
I should have seen it coming, he finally lost his mind
But if his head don't turn up soon then all his hats are mine

Johnny came towards me but suddenly he stopped
As if trying to think of something but having no luck
Still he didn't notice that his head weren't there
'Til he took out a brush and tried to comb his hair

I said, "Johnny where's your cranium?" but he didn't seem to know
He just shrugged his shoulders and tried to find his nose
And the sight of him there topless made me start to cry
For I feared we'd ne'er again see eye to eye

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace
But wherever it's a-lying there's a smile upon his face
I should have seen it coming, he should have stayed in bed
For now I fear he'll spend his life just trying to get ahead

Refusing to believe that he had split for good
His lower half and me searched the neighbourhood
It soon became apparent that his head we wouldn't find it
He could not retrace his steps, he was absent minded

Well years went by til late one night I heard a voice I swore
Was Johnny calling out to me, I flung open the door
Johnny's head was home, it took a taxi cab
Alas, it was too late, his body had gone bad

Johnny's head was homeless, his body was cremated
And the funeral was harder than he had anticipated
I should of seen it coming he said in his eulogy
But never thought I'd have to say I ain't got no-body

(I ain't got nobody)

Johnny came home headless, it was a great disgrace
But now his head's upon a shelf, a smile upon his face
But now his head's upon a shelf, a smile upon his face