Suicide /Heartbreak into Healing

[Verse 1]
clready got grey hairs comin' in
I'm only nineteen but lived a life that's so troublin'
Been blessed by many angels but I got demons huntin' me
cct like it's love they just puttin' on a front for me
I make the adjustments to not bein' able to trust people's substance
But I'm stuck with
Still conductin' the healin'
I fucks with, you but when it's my turn, you don't wanna do no dealin'
Held it down but when it's my turn, you jumpin' out the ceilin'
Sayin' fuck them feelings
Is you leavin' if I'm grievin'
Freezin' from these frozen moments
Pleasin' everybody but myself I been readin' Romans too much
Pass the green and roll up the dutch
So I can feel some ease, niggas been trollin' too much
Public humiliation
I was facin' hell, racin' tryna replace the love but I failed
Been cravin' W's but I'm still embracin' the L's
Cause, I know that shit gotta change soon
I know it do
I know it do

[Verse 2]
Lost the two girls I loved most in the same week
One killed herself the other was damn near ready to kill me
I could easily go out and buy some denim or buy some sneaks
Make sure I'm lookin' fly in these streets or go and pry on the weak
I've cried for weeks
cs I see that this money don't bring the healin'
Is the lessons learned
Have my blessings been earned
Probably not cause what I got don't come close to replacin' the shit I done lost
cnd, maybe that's the cost
Maybe that's the cost
Let me dive into it

[Verse 3]
Sittin' back watchin' niggas livin' they life as scholars and fathers
Hate to admit it but that shit bothers me
Simply cause what happened with 'Mani
cnd I would've never thought her mommy, would meet the same fate
By poppin' eight pills and to be honest I got the same traits
I don't think people realize the love I had for Tatiyana
Hell I don't think she did I just hope that heaven find her
Tryna cope with her, tryna unpack all of her trauma
Unc had the nerve to blame me for all the drama
I mean I kinda get it, I kinda understand
cnd right now I don't wanna hear shit about nobody's plan
Cause damn I'll be damned if I damn slam the door and spam anger though the pain linger
Happiness I tried to paint her
Instead the lies had tainted her

[Verse 4]
Feel like I don't deserve you
Maybe we don't deserve each other
Wish you would've just curved me on the third of March
Cause now it hurts my heart too much to see you go
cnd I ain't tryna be the one to stop ya glow
Wish we could've just took this shit a lil more slow
Flow and grow through this show together
I swear I wish I would've never opened my heart
Cause from it I'm still haunted
Now I keep that seal on it
Deep in feels cause it's unreal the amount of shit I done dealt with from this past year
But I don't even think that shit compare to 2016
Let alone all of the years in between
Feel like my life been on a screen
But I ain't write the script
I can only hope healin' is written for the next scene
I hope that this transformation come clean
I hope that my queens is restin' or doin' they best and thrivin' into succession
I couldn't cave
But I came in this bitch with some nappy headed braids
I hope that many more blessings may come
I hope that my future son may do better to express his, feelings
But like me I hope that he can turn his heartbreak into healin'