And Yet

It was almost a beautiful day. And I forgot what I wanted to say. It is not me who is cruel, it's life that is that way. And I forgot why I wanted to stay.

Never wanting nothing more than this.

It's almost five years to the day. Don't forget it was you who wanted it this way. It is not you that is cruel just things turned out that way. You always get what you want anyway.

Always wanting something more than this.
And we are haunted by this lifelessness.
And I am not a violent man, man hands are clenched in fists.
And yet: is this all there is?

Listen. I know how easy it could be to just close your eyes when you're driving down the highway and your eyelids are getting heavy. I understand all too well the allure of just forgetting and the impulse to let go. Just let it go already. The striving, the working worry, the dumb yearning, it's never-ending. This pretending to be well, it's own particular path to hell. Albeit one of my own making. Where I go, I go alone. I won't be taking you with me.

Always wanting something more than this.
And we are haunted by this lifelessness.
And I am not a violent man, my hands are clenched in fists.
What have you done?