Dreams & Boxes

I think I know where all my problems come from (California)
I never really had the guts to look under that log
I need them all, all, all to love me
But they see through me so easy
I wish I could believe in your god
Sounds fun! We could throw rocks out of heaven
I get these dark thoughts every day now
I never thought I'd be that one
Good news I'm way too scared to do it
And I have too much fun being scared

I'm in this for life
Like it or not
I'm not going anywhere, anywhere
I'm in this for life
Like it or not
You will have to drag me by the neck

I'm not gonna bail
Writing on the ceiling of the box while the coffin the nailed
California dreamin while the demons are hot on our tail
Hop a curb, yes that was me offa the trail officer
No, I don't have a good reason
I was just in a mood to go seeking
Heard a hard poem, it had my heart thumpin
Start my blood pumping again

This one is for the people who raised me up
It's for the people who raised me up
If you remember one thing then remember how it felt
when you felt for the first time
This one is for the people who raised me up
It's for the people who raised me up
If you remember one thing then remember how it felt

I'm in this for life
I'm not going anywhere, anywhere
I'm in this for life
Drag me by the neck

You want your holy grail
Try not to overthink it
I try but always fail
But I want it so damn bad
I'm addicted to life

If I lived how I thought that you want me to live
I don't think you'd like what you got
If I shot my poetry out of a cannon
Would it make it any better?
If you fill a gun with glitter
What'll become of the bullet
if you're only suffering under a vail


I'm in this for life
Like it or not
I'm not going anywhere, anywhere
I'm in this for life
Like it or not
You will have to drag me by the neck

This one is for the people who raised me up
It's for the people who raised me up
If you remember one thing then remember how it felt
when you felt for the first time
This one is for the people who raised me up
It's for the people who raised me up
If you remember one thing then remember how it felt

I dreamed I understood myself completely
we were having a party in a house falling out of the sky
Every clique showed up
The ones who love the small of gasoline
The shy beautifuls
The microphone eaters
The gimme gimme gimmes
The maybe next years
The boring childhooders who trashed their lives for fun

The house rotated as it made it through a storm,
eyeball-sized hail sailed sideways through the windows
as the single pane, survived-the-great-fire hundred-year-old glass all smashed
We laughed and dropped the hailstones in our drinks and danced
We started chanting some optimistic that we knew that it was maybe mostly bullshit
But that if we even still felt one tenth of one percent how we felt in that moment in the morning that it would be an energy could shake neighborhoods from their foundations

We dragged ourselves on a twenty-mile mission to fill our goblets in the kitchen
Got stopped by a hallway goblin named Frank who said he once dreamed Karl Marx and Rosa Parks were beating the shit out of him which gave him a full body orgasm
I told him my dad analyzes dreams for a living and believes they're portals to the subconscious
I don't judge you we're all weirdos,
my dad still refuses to drive beamers because they made cars for Hitler
But I always suspected that was convenient logic for a family that could only afford used station wagons
I told him in a drawer in my house I found a matchbook from my dad's 1955 Bar Mitzvah
It still has nine dry unused matches that haven't been torn from the cardboard
It's a time machine and remains my second most precious possession
Do you understand this Frank? You're in presence of a motherfucker who owns fire from the past
Can you imagine getting high with a flame from 1955? Can you?
Do you feel connected to your ancestors? Do you?
Do you ever feel strange? Wonder how the world's gaze has shaped you?
Do you fear being shaken by the shoulders like an etch a sketch
Being mugged for your memories? I do
They are my first most prized possession
My very first memory was sitting in high chairs with my brother the day the Bay ripped in two
The earthquake shook the china from the shelves and we clapped because we didn't understand
I told him my mother's father died in a plane crash
I told him my brother grew up to be a pilot

The captain, which apparently the apparently the building had and was my brother, came over the intercom, which apparently the building had, and alerted the party that house was starting the spin faster and soon it would be time to hit the ground, so either buckle your seatbelts say your prayers or find someone to fuck

It was all true, China was smashing against the ceiling
Me and Frank said our goodbyes easily once I realized I'd been having a conversation in the mirror. I climbed out a window and hung onto a drain pipe and watched the stars paint the sky


Little boxes
on the hillshide
Elbows ass and my knees and toes
I got my elbows ass and my knees and toes
Little boxes
on the hillshide
Elbows ass and my knees and toes
I got my elbows ass and my knees and toes

I see the ghosts on every corner
Of the people that we used to be
So many that they sit upon the shoulders
of their brothers and their sisters
While our city slips into the sea

Danny in DC Tee getting stomped in the head on Clement St
Kids in the black boots
Dad's got the long hair, dad's hired, getting fired
Everybody waveMe in the ambulance!
Mom's got my pills in the paper bag, bills on the table
that was before they were really real people
And the punks grabbed my bike in the Safeway parking lot
chased em for five blocks, never got it back


Verse
We were already fading I just didn't know it yet
Holding onto the lie of my perfection tucked under my arm like a late Blockbuster cassette
And fuck yeah I was hard for miss popular
Been jockin her but she couldn't see where I sat with binoculars
binaca stashed in my pocket, shot the good shot, the good lord, she blocked it
Cherish the small the tragedies
The big ones are smoking out in the bathroom and loitering for the moment when nobody sees em coming, an opening they can jump in make a total catastrophe
My family tried to hold it together
But now that we can't hold it together
We hold each other closer instead

Danny in the deep blue Sea getting wasted on the MUNI out to DP
kids with the tall cans
Dad's got the short hair, dad's not retired quite yet
Every wavebodyMe in the ambulance!
Mom's plays guitar and she sings to us near to us
that was before we were really real people
And the Punks grabbed my bike in the Safeway parking lot,
chased em for five blocks, never got it back

Little boxes
on the hillside
There's a blue one and a yellow one
And they all look just the same