Loss

Ms Jefferson been asking if I ever sin
I think the only wrong I did myself was negligence
Some days I feel like I be needing medicine to make me sane
Cause ever since they went away I've been emotionless
Control the situation what they taught me
But they never teach me how to react to the coffin
I wish I kept the copies of the booklets
Or that I was going out for coffee with one of their relatives
I relatively understand the fact that it will all be over
And when it do the memories be growing older
The cold shoulder of a cold body will be noticed
It's noted down, but I don't know how to show it
I miss my nigga like he in the sky
But I've realised that I can't fucking cry for him
Tears won't come out my eyes
I've been trained so that I drain the sorrow in my lies a bit
I've just been disguising it for so damn long now that I can't tell if I be who I think I be
And now cause of this, I can't tell friends from enemies
The day that I showed her my love
I can't remember it now, cause I be fucking up
And the day that I left her there
Became the day that I knew life wasn't fair

And the last time I saw them again
I didn't say nothing cause I didn't have the fucking strength
I hope I'm old enough and stronger to accept the fact that they ain't ever coming back
I lack compassion as of late, and to this day the action, it be going past me
Ask myself if imma pass until I pass away

Aggravated by my affirmation
All the pain just make me feel like I'm an animation
It didn't hit me when I saw the nomination
But at the day I faced the casket, all I felt was subjugation
By the contemplation of my friend's disintegration
And my first love was no longer incarnated
Ever since, I've been feeling jaded
I really wanna show how I feel, but I think that everybody hate it
I don't know if I can make it
But what I'm the next in line to hit the hay and
People don't know what to say to me when I be in the grave
Or how many think that they could save me
Or could they even name me
I wouldn't blame you if you didn't come to see me
Believe me
I think I'm enough of a burden alive when I'm screaming

Ms Jefferson just hit me up
Been asking lately if I even care bout greed or lust
Grandma saying I don't eat enough
I just swallow my pride, I gotta act tough