Now We’re Here
This year’s been the most different
I think I found some holes in me
I think if I was brave enough to
Check I’d find my soul’s missing
The last time I tried to phone my
Dad I found he won’t listen
I built myself a cell now I’m
Alone inside my own prison
Got a therapist I don’t go
Visit, got pill bottles
Got more prescriptions
Got a million things that I shoulda did
That I didn’t do so I’m bullshittin’
Lookin’ back at my old visions through
Teary eyes from my position
I wonder if I got more in me
I wonder if the tank’s on empty
I wonder if the person I was really is gone
I’m a ghost now
I used to feel like a power plant
My machinery all broke down
No one knows what I been through this
Past year cause I never told
I was fucked up for three months
If I’m bein’ honest it was plenty more
Tried Cipralex, tried Seroquel, tried Xanax
Tried Propranolol i quit drinkin’, I quit
Smokin’, I quit fucking, i quit it all
Momma called my bro’s phone hella choked up
Tryna ask
For help, he broke into my old crib
Packed my bags and said farewell
I flew out to the prairies while my
Dad was on a sailing trip
He told my ma that he’d come home
If she couldn’t take care of me
I couldn’t let him leave his dream behind
I couldn’t carry it
Anxiety was killin’ me but I
Couldn’t let it bury him
Laid low in Alberta for what seemed
To be like a lifetime
Everyday at the doctor’s office
My blood pressure been sky high
Couldn’t barely eat, couldn’t barely sleep
Couldn’t barely know who I was
Swear to god I woulda been dead if
It hadn’t been for my mom
K, four months go by, my lawyer says hi
Your Visa got approved
Tell your family goodby
Three days later I caught that flight
Hit Vancouver for a night
Didn’t tell a single soul because
I still wasn’t alright
I stayed in Jackie’s apartment, she wasn’t
There I sat in the darkness
Opened the window and laid on the carpet
Looked at the city where everything
Started, like oh my god, oh my god
Oh my god
I just spent a half a year trippin’
And no one knows about me
So ashamed of the cards I been given
I never want my friends to see, no
I was on the road to riches
But now I been crawlin’ on my knees yeah
I been keepin’ all these secrets
Cause they're not supposed to worry ‘bout me
Fast forward I crossed the border
Moved back in with my girlfriend
I was still fucked
But not as much as I was back in Edmonton
Then four months down the road
She broke down when she came home
She was barely through the door
She said "I’m not in love no more"
I took two pills and a cigarette
And a long walk down Melrose
I made two calls to my best friends
In Canada from my cell phone
I said "goddamn, this a tough year
I been fucked up from
The start of it, when’s it
All gonna calm down
Do y’all believe in this karma shit?"
Hide it all from my audience, look in my
Eyes and it’s obvious, anxiety and insomnia
This year has been the rockiest
I just hope I helped you see it clear
Cause now we’re here
And I just spent a half a year
Trippin’ and no one knows about me
So ashamed of the cards I been given
I never want my friends to see, no
I was on the road to riches
But now I been crawlin’ on my knees yeah
I been keepin’ all these secrets
Cause they're not supposed to worry ‘bout me
Bout me, no no bout me, no, no
Supposed to worry bout me, no, no
Supposed to worry bout me
I been keepin’ all these secretsTom MacDonald