Swiss Army Girlfriend

She's the slickest chick I've ever known
I take her with me wherever I go
To rope in all my fears and open all my beers
And to never, ever leave me alone

She's tiny, shiny, and bright
Almost too sharp but not quite
She does it all somehow
She's in my pocket now
But I'm gonna take her out tonight

She's my Swiss army girlfriend, ah-woo
Swiss army girlfriend, ah-woo
She's holding up her end
And she's all mine, so I got a valentine to send

Do I have to draw a diagram?
When I'm outta luck or in a jam
She can get me hot and out of tight spots
And she's ready whenever I am

She slices, dices, and more
She can handle any household chore
And I love the feel of her stainless steel
When we're rolling all around on the floor

She's my Swiss army girlfriend,, ah-woo
Swiss army girlfriend, ah-woo
She's in my dresser drawer
And I'm all hers, and we've got a universe to explore

And I love her so
Though she may never know
Just how low I would go
To keep her by my side
And open wide
For when our worlds collide

[Keyboard solo]

She's the only game in town
She's a thriller that you can't put down
So enjoy this song, 'cause before too long
We're gonna run each other into the ground

She's my Swiss army girlfriend, ah-woo
Swiss army girlfriend, ah-woo
We've barely started yet
But we're all set
And we've got a bassinet to get