Mrs. Crandall’s Boarding House

In the boarding house I live in, Everything was growing old;
Silver threads among the butter, And the cheese was green with mold
When the dog died we had sausages; When the cat died catnip tea
When the landlord died I left there, Spareribs were too much for me

Oh my Dear Missus Crandall, I think I like you a lot;
I live in your house, Quiet as a mouse
Some day you'll be caught

Girls can never change their nature
It is well beyond their reach;
Missus Crandall is a lemon, She can never be a peach
But the law of compensation is the one I always preach;
You can always squeeze a lemon, Have you tried to squeeze a peach?

Oh my Dear Missus Crandall, I think I like you a lot;
I live in your house, Quiet as a mouse
Some day you'll be caught

My train was in the station, I was rushing full of care;
But I stepped on her cat and stumbled, And fell headlong down the stairs
Missus Crandall came up to me, "Did you miss a step, me son?"
"No,"My dear landlady, I hit every bloomin' one

Oh my Dear Missus Crandall, I think I like you a lot;
I live in your house, Quiet as a mouse
Some day you'll be caught