You’re Only as Old as You Look

[SONDHEIM, spoken]
September 15th, 1955. 
For Julian Beaty, Jr. on his thirty-ninth birthday. 

You look flashy, you look sporty
You look almost as dashing as Morty
Well, you're only as old as you look—
And you look forty

You look blasé, you look nifty
But when they ask you your age, you look shifty
Well, you're only as old as you look
Let me look again—
Fifty

On your ravaged face
Are more lines than they say on the stage
It's not the sign of sorrow or disgrace—
It's age!

Happy birthday, Jerry Beaty
May your problems be less and less weighty
Well, you're only as old as you look
And you look eighty-
Five
You're practically alive

Of your in-laws
You've a craw full
The demands that they make are in-lawful
Well, you're only as old as you look—
And you look awful

You should feel just
Like a baby
You've decades ahead of you—maybe
Well, you're only as old as you feel
What's your ulcer like, J.B.?

You've a rich full store
Of memories in that brain
Won't you tell us your adventures in the War—
With Spain?

You look punchy
You look drowsy
The Greeks had a word for it: lousy
Well, you're only as old as you look—
But you can't be as old as all that!

Happy Birthday
Don't regret it
'Cause we'll all go right home and forget it
Old friend
Old pal
Old Faithful
Old paint
Old Greenwich
Old Crow
Old shoe
Old hat!