Nobody Does It Like Me

If there's a wrong way to do it
A wrong way to play it
Nobody does it like me
If there's a wrong way to do it
A right way to screw it up
Nobody does it like me
I've got a big loud mouth
I'm always talking much to free
If you go for tact and manners
Better stay away from me
If there's a wrong way to keep it cool
A right way to be a fool
Nobody does it like me
I hear a love song or ballad
I toss like a salad
Nobody tosses like me
And when my evenings get tougher
I just take two bufferin'
And drink a hot cup of tea
Last night I met an old acquaintance
At a fancy corner pub
He said: Come on, let's have some supper
So he used my credit-club
If there's a wrong way to take a guy
The worst way to make a guy
Nobody does it like me
If there's a wrong bell, I ring it
A wrong note, I sing it
Nobody does it like me
If there's a problem, I duck it
I don't solve it, I just muck it up
Nobody does it like me
As though I try to be a lady
I'm no lady, I'm a frog
And when I talk like I'm a lady
What I sound like is a frog
If there's a wrong way to get a guy
The right way to lose a guy
Nobody does it like me
Nobody does it
No, nobody does it
Nobody does it like me
Nobody does it like me