The Quest For...

[Intro: Shaggy 2 Dope, Big_Toker420]
Our story opens in a gloomy laboratory
Where we see Professor Shaggs pondering a groove
There's a tale about a groove, not just a groove, but it's ultimate
A groove that is so rare no mortal man has even come close to it
But there's a buzz in the air by a mad man talking about a quest
He calls himself a professor, but he's a raving lunatic at best
So sit back and enjoy Shaggy 2 Dope Presents
Professor Shaggs And The Quest And The Ultimate Groove
Into our story we descend

[Verse 1]
Now which way would you go about obtaining the ultimate groove?
The key to this quest is a man with absolutely nothing to lose
A professor trained in torture, but he's specialized in choking
With a magic box that'll capture anything that's screamed or spoken
I got a theory, and it's a vision, 'cause I can see it
I'll test it on Tutankhamun's mummy right here on the sands of Egypt
Camelback riding through the sand dunes, valet of kings caravanning
I broke into that motherfucker's tombs, his booby traps started failing
He's flinging curses at me, I came from behind a two-hundred ton rock
And choked him with his old wraps and captured his gurgle and scream in a box

[Interlude: Big_Toker420]
The magic box had worked
But that wasn't enough for the professor
He knew he was being called to do much more

[Verse 2]
Now right here's when he realized he was onto something way more than real
He had to compile a lot more screams, something deep down in his heart knew the deal
One scream in a box, he wasn't sure why, but he knew he needed more (Oh no)
Had him going to Transylvania to bang on the spawn of Satan's door
I arrived just after sun up, 'cause I know this motherfucker's tricks
I can see just beyond town, off on a hill his castle sits (No time to waste)
I swim to the bottom of the moat, took a drainpipe to the catacombs
I say, "Hey, Nosferatu, bitch! I know you home!"
His dusty coffin had me coughin', so I threw the lid right up off him
Shove a garlic up his ass, took the screaming to the box, it was awesome

[Interlude: Big_Toker420]
With two blood-curdling screams down
Suddenly, all the madness that was swirling around in his head
Was starting to make sense

[Verse 3]
It was all becoming very clear right before the professor's eyes
He knew precisely what he was doing and why he needed these screaming cries
His plan was taking shape, but there wasn't any time for no rest
He had to find where in the world demonic screams are the best
Ah, the land of the rising sun, where the yokai
Took a donkey to a centuries past village and asked an old guy
He said, "hey, you never summon an oni, trust me"
I said fuck off and found a dead hooker grave and start to pee
A hannya popped out the dirt, you should've seen this hideous bitch
I choked her titty with chopsticks 'til out her neck her screams spit

[Interlude: Big_Toker420]
He'd gotten what he came for, but he needed a curse
Some dark-age voodoo curse from times past

[Verse 4]
He had that oni's squeal in a box, but something bugged him
Over all the thoughts that he had, the Devil's tower was still above him
But he had a nagging itch, something he had to go and handle first
He had to take his ass to Africa and get a scream from a man who's cursed
After days of cutting through jungles in a safari across the savanna
We came across a bunch of bamboo huts, nowhere near Louisiana
I asked an ancient bitch, what's up, where do we start the hunt at
Turned around, he was right in my face, and I seen where he kept the cursed blood at
I grabbed it out of his satchel, poured it down the bitch throat like a motherfucker
Put my hands on her throat, milked the scream out her neck like an udder

[Interlude: Big_Toker420]
The voodoo curse blood had worked
But now the professor's focus had switched to something else
The Devil's tower

[Verse 5]
His quest was almost complete with just a piece or two left to go
He felt the Devil's tower calling, the magic box began to glow
On the top in the center are whispers of a near endless hole
But first he required a holy shriek to combat the shrills of evil
Horseback, bareback, across the open plains
I seen it off in the distance, towering above everything (Beautiful)
On my way to this hole in earth, I seen the sweat lodge dug in the ground
Yanked him out and up to the top with me, he was the only shaman found
There it is, the hole to the earth's soul, perfectly round
Crammed the box in his mouth and heard him scream all the way down

[Interlude: Big_Toker420]
One kick to the shaman's ass
And he was on his way down the hole
And what happened next was nothing short of incredible

[Verse 6: Shaggy 2 Dope, Big_Toker420]
All the horrific screams were released deep into the earth's gut
The land started quaking 'cause the planet was choking up
All the air was being sucked down the Devil's tower's throat
All the fish in the sea turned belly-up and began to float
The earth itself was expanding, it was taking a deep breath
And then everything went silent, you'd think all the world had gone deaf

[Bridge]
The inside of the Earth, it moaned and it groaned
The land and see and air started to move
Professor Shaggs went on a quest, and he went worldwide
To drive or sail or fly to find the ultimate groove
The inside of the Earth, it moaned and it groaned
The land and see and air started to move
Professor Shaggs went on a quest, and he went worldwide
Yo, that motherfucker did it, he found the ultimate groove

[Outro]
The world is void of air, not a vibration found
But then you feel the distant rumbling
And then you hear the sound