Bare Soul
They say to succeed you gotta sell your soul
I won’t sell mine but I will bare it whole
I’ll paint a picture of the winter cold
Like my heart, blood flow slowed
Like a river froze, it’s an overdose
You can’t control what you can’t hold
They’ll laugh at me, hate me like the snow
Then cry with hearts broke when I go
With the Reaper hanging over my pillow
If I take his hand, true colours show
Fake tears from those I barely know
But where the fuck were they when I was hooked on coke?
That’s not a rhetorical question
I want answers to why nobody intervened for my protection when I treated years as a single binging session
Why they ain’t support me now I got my shit together
Am I damned forever, was it pointless getting better?
Is that why I stood alone in court and home
As he walked without the fetters
Probation period almost over for him
Did he even suffer for his sin?
While I’m struggling, to stay strong
To tell the truth I didn’t win
His confession was the closest thing
Bet you never been a victim then cross examined in the box of witnessing
Soon PTSD had grips of me
A crisis of identity
I almost completely lost myself
Voices in my head and talking to the walls
From a strangers peripheral
No longer no ones confidant or beckon call
Friendless sack of shit, on my knees I fall
Yet I pulled myself from the dirt after all
I remember times I’d bounce around the park
D.S.S. buying beers from me
The white boy just got served, then I’d serve some rhymes grotesque and damn absurd
Then there was my gang, L.T.H. and all The Cunts
Life was an abandoned factory, spliffs and wine
Pocket money we would splurge
Chanting over funny bars, we listened, we was heard
Loyalty was more important than the drugs
Water was as thick as blood
Til the fucking dreams died
It seemed our youth was ending
Everyone too tough to cry
But sadness hit us all, there’s no pretending
Everyone went their separate ways
But the drinking and the drugs stayed
Suddenly the problems started
Addiction took me over, I didn’t think we’d need to quit, we never thought of closure
Always thought I’d succeed before I’d gotten older
God the times that I missed and I miss
Spraying Lynx and eating Salt and Vinegar crisps to hide the fact we’d been smoking hits
When we talk to our folks
The old girlfriends with which we’d dream of silly shit like kids
Mad to think I’ll be a Father soon, it’s scary how fucking real it is
How much life has changed
I’m finally in a relationship, I know how to maintain
Scary thinking of the domestics and the pain
Between myself and my ex, it’s such a fucking shame
I feel sorry everyday for the way we placed the blame
On each other every time our hatred tamed
When we finished screaming in our faces
And punching the walls behind, empty expressions and broken vases
The truth that was lies in our paranoid minds
Suddenly you’re belittling my lines
And I’m bout to quit
Abuse won’t have me defined
This fucking rap scene is mine
Watch me succeed as the true me unwinds