Bottles and Smokes

I got a bottle of wine in my hand
cnd a cigarette in the other
Cause I can't live this live without a buzz

My thoughts they talk to one another
Planning my demise
It has a snowball effect in my mind

cnd I can't runaway
It drives me insane so I take a hit
cnd tell the world that it missed
Cause if I can stay numb then the heartbreaks won't tear me apart

The chaos feels normal
I know its weird to say
But its the only thing I've known

Like being on a train
You know is bound to wreck
You learn to desensitize yourself

But when steady comes you wonder where's the catch
Like going on a first date looking out for the attack
You don't know if you're awake or stuck in a dream
But if I stay numb then nothing can hurt me

Yes I've tried quitting
Sodas, coffee and sex
But those aren't great substitutions

cn addictive personality
It's no way to cope
So wine and cigarets does the trick

But I feel so unhealthy unmotivated too
How's that for progress, and loving myself too
I guess if I never try then ill never know
Ill smash the bottles throw out the smokes

I threw out the bottle with the smokes
I chose myself for once
I guess this is me with empty hands

I know I can live without a buzz
Cause if others can do it too
I know I can