If I Can’t Sell It, I’ll Keep Sittin’ on It

[Intro]
I own a secondhand furniture store
And I think my prices are fair
Of course this real cheap guy I know came in one day
Saw this chair he wanted to buy
But he wouldn't, claimed the price was too high
So I looked him straight in his eye, and this was my reply

[Verse 1]
If I can't sell it, I'm gon' sit down on it
I ain't gon' give it away
Now darling, if you want it
You gon' have to buy it
And I mean just what I say
Now, how would you like to find this
Waitin' at home for you every night
Only been used once or twice
But it's still nice and tight
Woah

[Verse 2]
So if I can't sell it
I'm gon' keep sittin on it
I don't know if I can give it away
Now you can't find a better pair of legs in town
And a back like this, huh, not for miles around
And that is why if I can't sell it
I'm going to recline upon it
Why should I give it away?
Because it's made for comfort
Built for wear and tear
Where else would you find
Such an easy chair
Ha, wow

[Verse 3]
If I can't sell it
Darling, I'ma sit down on it
I don't see the need to give it away
Because it's lush, plush, slick and sleek
Darling, a high-class piece like this at any price is cheap
So, if I can't sell it
I'm gon' sit back down on it
Why should I give it away?
Now look at this nice bottom
Ain't it easy on the eye?
Guaranteed to support any weight or size, woah
But if I can't sell it
I'm just gon' keep sittin' on it
Don't ask me to give it away

[Outro]
Now, I have really had my fill
Of folks always comin' around
With their hands stuck out
Want something, don't want to give up nothing
Now, if you want this
Put your hand in your stash
And give me some cash
Now, if you want something for free
Go to the Salvation Army, don't come running to me
Now this is not Saint Vincent de Paul's place
This is Ruth's place
Read my lips
No free trips
And you can look at me and see that I have not been starving, darling
Now, I have a few diamonds that I haven't even taken off to dust lately
Now, you are not getting anything around here for free
Show me the color of your money
Goodbye