Stand Up Comic

Now I don't mind if fifty thousand yobos pick me up
Outside a football ground on a Saturday afternoon
I'll still come out fighting, do you know why?
You've seen me on television, I'm the lowest common denominator
And this is all about your culture, so welcome to jolly Ol' England
I'm the stand up comic

Jack the lad has become Oscar Wilde
And the followers of style say, "It's the latest thing"
And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
And anyone who says different is a fuckin' antique
And Noel Coward has become very hard and the comic says
"Bullocks" and everybody laughs and that's that

Style, I mean, never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
And that's that

Jack the lad has become Fancy Dan
And creating agro culture with a rub on tan
And all the tearaways, have got savior faire
And the working class hero's got a tinted hair
And a well spoken hero from a yesteryear
Walks out onto a stage and they all shout
(Queer)
And that's that

Manners, I mean, never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And now the clown does a fart and we all fart back
And that's that

Stand up, stand up, can you hear me at the back?
All you white boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts and we all shout back
And the mob says, "Follow", so we go

Stand up, stand up, can you hear me at the back?
All you white boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts and we all shout back
And the mob says, "Follow", so we go and that's that

What do you think of it so far?
I knew you'd say that
You've been watching too much television
Together now

Jack the lad has become Oscar Wilde
And the followers of style say it's the latest thing
And William Shakespeare is the schmooze of the week
And anyone who says different is an antique
And Noel Coward has become very odd and the comic says
"Bollocks" and everybody laughs and that's that

Style, I mean, never was much, never has been
But the little bit that was was all that we had
And the clown does a belch and we all belch back
And that's that, all together now

Stand up, stand up, can you hear me at the back?
All you white boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts and we all shout back
And the mob says, "Follow", so we go

Stand up, stand up, can you hear me at the back?
All you white boys standing in a row
And the comic shouts and we all shout back
And the mob says, "Follow", so we go and that's that

Well, I'm going down the pub now, you're welcome
To join me if you like but I know you won't
You've all been watching too much television
Well, I'll be in the public bar, minding my own business