My Daddy Knew Dixie Howell

Seein' that tomorrow's my birthday
Happy birthday to you
Seein' that this is the final night of my twenty ninth year
Happy birthday to you
Seein' that all my fuckin' friends were assembled here to greet me
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
I'm gonna tell you all the story of my life
I'm gonna tell you all the story of my life

My daddy knew Dixie Howell,
He used to cut his hair
Daddy had a shop in Tuscaloosa,
And Howell was on a team up there
When I was born, Daddy put a football in my cradle
Later on, he put a football helmet in my bed
So when he died I put a razor in his coffin
And poured Vaseline all over his head.
Magnolias, magnolias, magnolias they had
The people come from mile around
To follow Daddy's coffin to the graveyard
And put poor Daddy's body in the ground
Magnolias, you should have smelled the magnolias, Daddy
Don't you wish it was me layin' there instead?
But tomorrow I will be sober, Daddy,
And you will still be dead