A Cold One In the Fridge

I shall never drink a beer in St Albans
Neither will I drain my cup and drop my head
Nor glass of white burgundy from Puligny
I shall go to church and praise the Lord instead

I touch a drop of whiskey at the old bowling alley
In Covina like De Witte might once have said
Nor will I cast my eye to that top shelf in the sky
I will crawl away somehow and find my bed

I shall not be tempted by no mothers ruin
Neither worried by no grape black, green or red
My chalice runneth dry, I shall not stagger by
I shall walk that holy line until I'm dead

I'll hold my head up high
When that great guy in the sky
Looks down and asks us what we did
I didn't waste my time
With whisky, beer and wine
I simply kept a cold one in the fridge

I shall never drink with winos or with dinos
Nor sip from Bloody Mary by the Med
I will raise a glass from lad to poorer lass
I shall be careful where both tongue and feet shall tread

I will not submit myself to scruffy barstool
In any bar, on any corner, any street
The seediest I'll get, is the tears, blood and sweat
Avoiding something so cool and yet so sweet

I'll hold my head up high
When that great guy in the sky
Looks down and asks us what we did
I didn't waste my time
With whisky, beer and wine
I simply kept a cold one in the fridge

I shall promise not to enjoy a Dry Martini
Neither shall I cross the line from good to bad
Just slowly I shall draw with hoof and hidden claw
That line 'Ablutions' never had

And I shall not expect no cherub, or no angels
No gates of heaven, garlands either side
Just a cardboard sign or note, hanging from St. Peter's throat
Saying 'down below but lord he really tried'

I'll hold my head up high
When that great guy in the sky
Looks down and asks us what we did
I didn't waste my time
With whisky, beer and wine
I simply kept a cold one in the fridge