We’re Old and We’re Tired (And We Want to Go Home)

We turned up at the venue
The promoter said 'Great news guys –
You're headlining so you will be
On stage about midnight'
We groaned with calculation
And in unison realised
That meant we'd not be home until
Four hours past our bedtimes

He saw our faces drop and said
'Oh dear m'ducks, what's wrong?'
The only way we could explain
Was singing him this song:

We said we're old and we're tired and we want to go home
We're old and we're tired and we want to go home
Let me go home - I want to go home
Let me go home - I want to go home

The birthday party was in full swing
When I turned up at eight
I thought 'I'll have a couple of drinks'
'And not get home too late'
But I dillied and I dallied
Until after closing time
And I got swallowed by a mob
As thirty more revellers arrived

The hostess said 'You can't go now'
I said 'I fear I must'
Demanding explanations
I told her it's just because

I am old and I'm tired and I want to go home
I'm old and I'm tired and I want to go home
Let me go home - I want to go home
Let me go home - I want to go home

I'm missing Newsnight for this
I'm missing stacking up the dishes
I'm missing calling in the cat
And I miss my missus

Because when you are proper settled
And happily loved up
You'll find a marked decline in time
You need to spend in pubs

That's when you're old and you're tired and you want to go home
You're old and you're tired and you want to go home
Let me go home - I want to go home
Let me go home - I want to go home