Well-Spoken Moppers
[Verse 1]
Half the trouble in the world today
Comes from people who don't know what to say
They like to use words that's big and long
And they ain't know when they using it wrong
Some moppers come by me last Christmas Day
Eat me out and drink me in the worst of way
"Ah had a swell time," they started to boast
"But before ah go let me make a toast"
And they tell me:
Here's to my good friend I wish that he
And everybody live in enmity
I wish him ill-health and adversity
Disaster and strife eternally
I second the motion!
[Verse 2]
Ah grab meh cutlass and I tell the louse
"You better get to hell out meh house!"
"You can't do him that!" a next one said to me
"What he said should make you feel happy"
I was shocked because this was a friend of mine
I tired lend him money, we just get along fine
So when he say he like the remark
I say he must be boozed and making skylark
But he start:
May your cup of sorrow never run dry
May misfortune follow you until the day you die
You are such a nice quiet illiterate lad
Your obnoxious company make me feel glad
I second the motion!
[Verse 3]
Ah long maga one they call D'arbreu
Say "Three cheers for insipid Sparrow
The fame and fortune that he has accomplished
I wish it all would rapidly diminish
He's a fella that I have always despised
Ah don't know why people does watch him and criticize
His stupidity is unsurpassed
In other words, he's a high hypothetical ass"
May his friends bring him joy and frustration
Impose on him and lift him to degradation
He's a jolly good fellow and a kind reprobate
Unscrupulous and always inconsiderate
May I second the motion?
[Verse 4]
I couldn't believe people could be so rude
Repaying kindness with ingratitude
Lord, well ah grinding like a sugar mill
I ain't know which one of them to kill
But ah grab meh cutlass and ah pelt a blow
I never see drunken people take off so
Meh wife laugh, she laugh 'til she choke
And telling me I must learn to take a joke
"Pompomloomically speaking you're a pussyistic man,"
She said, "Most elaquitably full of shitification
Your splendiferous views are too catsarstical
Too cuntimoratic and too bitchilistical!"