Fists In My Pockets

As a child, I would stand still
While you screamed
Like nothing could hurt me
Bending my knees on the cold slate
Stuck in between being 6 feet tall and 6 feet under

An inner voice
Always starts as an outer voice
When I look in the mirror
I see myself deformed
Maybe I shouldn't have opened umbrellas indoors
Maybe I was born under the wrong star
Maybe I'm cursed

I saw you doing lines
In the reflection of the mirror on the bathroom door
Parallel lines that never meet
So close yet so far away
Just like us
You don't understand me
And I don't want to explain

I walk around with fists in my pockets
But I'm not angry
I just hold on to myself
In case the wind gets too strong
And though I may seem weak
In reality, I'm tough
When I got sectioned in the ward
We both know you couldn't take my truth
It is then I realized you were scared of me
But I was never scared of you
Not even when you chased me up the stairs
As I screamed until I had nothing left to loose

You wanted me to be more like you
And maybe I am somewhere inside
Where the light is gloom
But I don't let it show
I just walk around with fists in my pockets
And though I'm bruised by you
I'm not mad
For years I was just sad

You say you love me
But you can't show it
And I can't feel it
Your words are empty
Yet you're so old now
You could be my son
So I will be there for you
Because my heart is big
Even if you were never there for me