Broken Mind

Coleman Billings

Wake me up from this nightmare that I've had all night
Everyday is all the same the clouds always hide the light
I'm scared of going back to sleep but also I am petrified
Of waking up into a life where I lay on a bed of lies
I can't escape this wicker fate
I beg the saviour it's too late
Beat and slash and smash my face
Then set me up to burn at the stake
I don't know why it's happening
But every single time I look around they're always cackling
My angels all got sent to hell so now I only got my demons
Every single thing I do it never seems to stop the bleeding
All they ever want to do is try to stop my lungs from breathing
Trapped inside eternal screaming life has now lost all its meaning
Darker thoughts have plagued my mind
Corrupted soul now feels divine
Consciousness was lost to time
This empty void controls my life
The voices say it's time to die
Cause I don't own what once was mine
I've come to terms they may be right
Don't have it left in me to fight

I'm falling fast, into this darkened abyss
Everything drifting away far beyond the empty rift
I'm hating how I feel, losing any sense of time
Nothing here is real, a figment of my broken mind
I've fallen deep down, a place where I have no control
Every time I run away I'm lost and end up going home
But home is not a place, it's a shattered paradise
Abandoned left to rot away within my broken mind

I turn around and turn around to turn around again
To see that it is only me cause I can't seem to keep a friend
The only people I can trust the ones that talk inside my head
The voices that will never leave the demons that are always fed
By anger that consistently is flowing through my veins
Hatred that has now consumed the matter of my brain
Talking to my therapist she says that I'm insane
But this is coming from the person that is also paid to play mind games
I'm sick of being sick and I'm sick of playing happy
I'm sick of acting like I'm fine by always fuckin' laughing
I'm sick of keeping shit inside then blowing up and snapping
I'm sick of being sick and tired, I'm sick of always napping
I'm sick of waking up but I'm sick of laying down
I hate the fact I hate myself when love is all around
I hate that I can't talk about it cause it's so profound
The smiling guy that feels pain I look just like a clown

Nothing is okay, this doesn't feel right
The urge has gone away, the urge to live my life
The battle fought inside
The war within my mind
The fate laid out me the destiny called suicide
I've always felt this way, but felt the need to hide
The feelings that I feel the reason that I hate goodbyes
The fact that counselling has fucked me up too many times
The fact that I just can't get over that you up and died
Pain remains in myself it's not a mystery
I suffer from depression past relations screwed me mentally
I'm stressing all the time I live alone with my misery
Losing you I lost myself and now there is no I to be
My eyes can see the lies that we
Collectively, suggested be
Reused again whenever we
Decide to speak about the pain
Lie and say it's all okay
Nothing hurts it's gone away
What else is really left to say
They try to help but it's too late
I have settled on this path of destruction
I called out for help but clearly no one was coming
Tryin' new drugs just to stay feelin' something
Cause anything is better than to keep feeling nothing
Some days it feels like I am locked in the dark
Searching for the finish but I only find the start
Asking for forgiveness but can't find it in my heart
Trapped in this eternal loop just let me hit restart

Manik

Broken Mind

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