Pie Taster

She had just turned twenty nine ... (needed a good ironing)
Smelling like a tench ... (face looked like a welder's bench)
Her tights were baggy at the rear ... (she could fart for Lancashire)
She said she liked the taste of my bell-end cheddar
And she asked me if I wanted to bed her

She was desperate for a fuck ... (said her cunt was healing up)
Piles and NSU ... (creepy crawlies in her pubes)
Dribbling out of her womb ... (more semen (seamen) than the QE2)

I've never been to bed with an ugly woman
But I've woken up with one or two

(Stretch marks on her bum, tasted pies for Titterton's)