Coughing Up Blood

I'll be honest, I'll be raw
I'll be real as hell
Lately I've been thinking fuck it
Maybe I should kill myself
This is the first time
I've ever considered this, but fuck it
I can't handle all this pressure
But wait a minute
If I take my life and end it
'cause I seem scared of my feelings
Who the fuck is gonna be
There for my children?
I'm not scared to die
I guess I'm scared to start
It feels like I'm far too
Damaged to repair my heart
It down my cheeks, the depression pours
I'm in too much pain to
Open up your empty dresser, drawers
I'm in too much pain to open up
That's what you left me for
I guess I felt too much of my own pain
Instead of yours
My children smell the Brandy on my breath
They smell the marijuana stench
I swear it's so intense
Is this Hell? Fuck! It has to be
I swear I caught a glimpse
The herd is blacker and it's
Deeper than the Mariana Trench
Japanese whiskey, neat in a crystal glass
Knowing I could end this pain with one
Single pistol blast to the head
But I can't heal if I'm dead
So maybe I should finally
Confront my twisted past
I've had insomnia for days
I'm exhausted in the days
The sun is bright and it's shining
But I'm lost inside a maze like the shining
I've lost my fucking mind
And I do not care if I find it
I'm panicking, I'm hiding, man by all this
We need dissolve our fucking grudge
Before our family gets divided by
Two lawyers and a judge
I'm coughing up my blood
I can't handle this experience, stop it
Pull the plug i swear I've lost my faith
There is toxic waste up in my bloodstream
Every single man in the world
Only wants one thing
It's not sex, not beauty
Not a piece of mind it's a woman
That's okay if she is weak sometimes
I'm losing it, i swear to God I'm back
To do some stupid shit
So many people out there are hurt
And we call them lunatics because the pain
Makes them do something that seems twisted
When all they fucking needed was
Someone to sit and listen, god damn!
Yeah I paid my dues, I paid in full
Severtized with myself, the blade is cold
I carry grief by the ton
It's a weight I pull
So many vibrant fucking colors
In my faded soul
Yeah, to add insult to injury
Let me scan myself for
Some injuries to insult
So icy, every inch of me is in salt
I see the person in the mirror
Like it's his fault
I'll be honest, I'll be raw
I'll be real as hell
Lately I've been thinking fuck it
Maybe I should kill myself
But nah, if I die I can't live my life
Instead I play a beat and write

I'll be honest, I'll be raw
I'll be real as hell
Lately I've been thinking fuck it
Maybe I should kill my
Nah nah, not that, not that
Something that is okay how about this?
I'll be honest, I'll be raw
I'll be real as hell
Lately I've been thinking fuck it maybe
I should get some help
Yeah, yeah, yeah, therapy I'd say, yeah
That's better