Waiter Commentary

What the hell is this, Russia?

We was out eating Christmas dinner and I tell you what, I'd hate to be a waitress or a waiter. Good Lord! Waiting tables got to be the worst job in the world. You always hear folks say, 'It's better than waiting tables.'

Hey, what do you do for a living?
'Oh, I swim in a lake of turds looking for lost change.'
Man, that must suck
'Well, it does, but it beats waiting tables.'

What do you do?
'Well, I used to wait tables but it sucked so bad. Now I got a job for the government jumping on landmines and having 'em explode underneath me ripping my guts out. But, hey, at least I ain't gotta fetch some jackass coffee.'

Tell you what, folks. I ain't never waited no tables a day in my life, but good Lord! If it's that bad, then we ought to get rid of the death penalty and sentence folks to five years of table-waiting down there at the Waffle House. I'd love to see that day of sentencing

'Mr. Anderson, you've been convicted to 32 counts of murder and mutilation. I hereby sentence you to the night shift at the Denny's down there on the corner.'

Lawyer stands up. 'Your honor, this is inhumane. Surely you could find it in your heart to fry my client or firing squad him.'

Judge says, 'Overruled. Bailiff, give that sum-bitch an apron and a time card and get him away from me.'

Tell you what, what a drag waiting tables must be. Like a waiter once said, looking at the one ads, 'Hey, give me the phone! They's hiring boil-suckers down there at the hospital.' Unquote. Git-R-Done!