People Like My Analogies

Before I get out of here
A lot of people like my analogies
And things like 'madder than a
Skinhead watching The Jeffersons'
And things like that so i figured I'd
Give you a bunch of 'em and you can
Tell me if you like 'em or
Not you can take these home and try
'em at work i'm sure, uh
Sure you won't have a job tomorrow if you do
(laughs) Try some of these alright

Madder than a queer with
Tonsillitis on Valentine's Day

More frustrated than an Amish electrician

Madder than Jеsse Jackson at
The airport having
To answer thе white courtesy phone
(laughs) That's funny i don't
Care who you are, that's funny right there!

(laughs) More frustrated than a
Carload of queers
Getting pulled over for doing a 69 in a 55
(raucous applause) We can edit
That out (laughs)

More frustrated than Ray Charles with
A Where's Waldo book
As ridiculous as a one legged man
In a brewery making hops

More frustrated than a fella making love to
A gal with braces on and her
Face sticks to the carpet lord, I
Apologize for that last one there
And be with the pygmies down
There in New Guinea amen

More frustrated than a waterhead putting
On a turtleneck shirt

Madder than a feller with a hangover waking
Up with a fat woman and
A mouthful of flour lord, I apologize
For that one there, too
And be with the pygmies down
There in New Guinea amen (laughs)

I'm so mad I could swallow gunpowder
And two bullets, eat a chalupa
Take off my britches, lay on
My back, spread my asscheeks
Fart and drop a deer from a hundred yards

More frustrated than Christopher Reeve
Doing the hokey-pokey

Lord, I apologize for that joke there, and be
With the pygmies- Hey, thanks a lot
Y'all! You've been a lot of
Fun! Thanks for coming
Out and seeing me! God
Bless America and Git-R-Done!