Keep the Chips Fresh

But they's a lot of kinky women in there
Too i tell you that's something I
Could never understand one girl
Wanted me to put on nipple
Clips ain't that sick? Disgusting
Perverted nipple clips and I
Told her, I said
'Aunt Donna!' Now why in the heck (laughs)

No, I did, one time, put on these nipple
Clips heard that the girls think it's sexy
So I was
Trying to horn this girl up i come out the
Bathroom, clips on my nipples
You know? She's like
'What are you doing? Them are supposed
To keep the chips fresh!'

I never did like all thеm piercings anyway
You know? I was with this
Girl one time that had dadgum ninе
Earrings in this ear and
Dadgum seven earrings in that ear and
Dadgum ring in her eyebrow and
Dadgum ring in her nose and
Dadgum ring in her lip
And dadgum bolt in her tongue dadgum!
It was like making love to
Her and working on my truck at
The same time with that
Girl right there didn't know if I
Should kiss her or adjust the
Torque in her buttcrack there i
Didn't know what to do!

And my sister, she's a big ol'
Fat girl up there and
Uh i ain't kidding ya i had to
Hire a rodeo clown to distract her
When I brung home the groceries
Git-R-Done, that's right! I mean
She's big! She's
Big her gynecologist wears a hard hat
Alright? I ain't kidding ya, that's big!

But she got a belly ring you
Believe that? You don't get
A belly ring if you're big!
You get onion rings!
(laughs) Git-R-Done! Nah that's right! I
Mean, it looked ridiculous, a belly
Ring on a big woman that's
Like wiping before you poop
It don't make no sense sometimes!
Do something like that
I didn't know what it was she come walking
In, she's like, 'What do you think of
That right there?' I'm like, 'Hey
You got a hitch! (laughs) yeah
Now we can pull you away
From the buffet every
Now and then right there about
Time you done something, you know?

I was with this girl one
Time and we was drunk
Naked in the tub over at
The neighbor's and, uh she goes, 'I want
You to shave me' I was like
'Boyoyoyoyoyo-
(laughs) What!?' You know? Git-R-Done!
You know? She's
Like, 'Shave it up' I'm like, 'Damn
' you know? So I'm shaving her back in the
Tub there and, uh yeah and, uh
Yeah, we get out the tub man, she goes
'Put some whipped cream on me and
Some chocolatey sauces' I was like
'What in the world? I wanna get lucky
Not make a sundae! You know? I might as well
Go to Dairy Queen and play with myself'
(laughs) That's funny! I don't
Play with myself
(laughs) I was cleaning it once and
It went off! But I shouldn't tell you
Stories like that that ain't even-
Lord, I apologize for talking about
Playing with myself there
And be with the starving pygmies down
There in New Guinea amen

Yeah, they's a lot of stuff there i was
In a bar one time this girl
Picked me up and I said, 'Put me
Down!' You know? I was like
'I gotta go to the bathroom
You wanna spot me?'
(laughs) That's good there!
That's right! But we go to her house
She says, 'Do whatever you want to
Me' I was like, 'Dadgum, ' you
Know? So I tie her up and gag her
(laughs) That's right i took her stereo and
Hauled out of that place right there
I tell you i ain't stupid
That's right that's right