Voices

I remember kindergarten all the way to sixth grade
Whips on my body, bullied at a young age
Spit on, kicked on, labeled Special Ed
All because I cared about a person that I called my friend
“No one really likes you, your skin is too pale
Your body really stinks, your dad’s in jail
I’m glad he got deported, he never really loved you
Pushed you to the side, besides, who would love you”
“Go kill yourself, I’m happy you’ll be gone”
“You thought you could be big, but you will stay small”
“You’re just a big baby, go back and crawl”
“To your only mother who just wants to solve it all”
Take another whip, take another punch
You wanna get kicked more? Here’s another one”
“Listen to my voice, and listen to it well”
“Everyone will hate you, I hope you burn in hell”
Throughout my life, I’ve had this temptation
Of killing myself, tried it twice, couldn’t face it
The hood helped me, I really stuck my face in
The way the hood was working, but the serpent had awakened
The demons that would taunt me, gave me paranoia
Whispering right to me, “No one loves you, they don’t know ya”
My counselors had thought that I needed to take meds
Because something more darker got deep in my head

Writing on my notes, thinking of how I know
My mentality’s broken it’s something I cannot cope
Was like this all my life, I thought of it as a joke
But because of the bullying my temper’s been provoked
“Hey Lalo, my name’s Sin! How do you do my friend
Your dad’s still bugging you? Go stab him in the neck
Show him what you’re made of, you rather would pretend
To be another punk than to build your rep again”
Why are you here? “I really wanna kill you”
Wait, what did you just say? “I said I really do feel you”
Don’t you think that hurting someone’s just too extreme
“Man, he won’t even notice you, don't you trust in me”
“Grow up and be a man, follow your own plans”
“Forget what people tell you, I have you in my hands”
Nah I think I’m good for now, I’m lacking common sense
“Just wait and see, I’m coming for you again”

What the hell was that
I felt something grab me, throw me to my back
I felt this dark figure try to choke me and then laugh
Tears outta my eyes, screaming “GOD WHERE YOU AT”
The sounds of the thunder, the terrors of my screams
The fact that people still wouldn’t even believe me
Damn, and to think that someone I couldn’t see
Would be the one Person I needed to be freed
I was blind and now I do see
I didn’t before but now I do believe
Even in my sleep I was headed to my death
But now with God’s breath I finally do breathe
God was there, I just couldn’t tell
I didn’t want to trust in Him because my life was hell
But now I know well, now I see surely
That God wants me safe and I needed His mercy
After all the time, I now understood
That the times I was bullied and was trusted in the hood
It all makes sense, the sounds of the wicked
Were positions that the devil wanted me to be afflicted
But God intervened and clearly helped me
To make Himself known and clearly tell me
I truly understand that I have to make choices
Think of what I’m doing, ignoring the wrong voices