Phaedreaux

(sung)
Phaedreaux was sad and dejected, bereft and broken, unspoken for, unable to think for himself or dream of better times or to see any point in going on at all
(On at all)

So Phaedreaux went walking along the path of hopeless hope that he once had discovered as a child before his illusions were shattered and scattered and smothered and covered and chunked and topped

The road was long and barren and dark and mysterious and foreboding, and every and any adjective that suggests gloomy occluded bleakness could serve as an accurate description of this road
(This road, this road, this road, this road)

But Phaedreaux knew deep inside his deepest heart of hearts that before his journey was halfway through he would come out somehow improved, altered, stronger and better able to comport himself among his fellow citizens

(Phaedreaux, Phaedreaux, Phaedreaux, Phaedreaux)

Phaedreaux followed the ominous path, and after a very long while he thought he saw something golden and flowing and shining in the distance
(Golden and flowing and shining and)

Phaedreaux decided that whether or not his vision was only illusory, it was still worthwhile to continue on his indeterminate quest
(Indeterminate quest)

Phaedreaux reached his golden goal, which turned out to be a fountain full of the urine of unicorns from an age long before human beings ever existed (Ever existed...existed)

The mystical, magical fountain of unicorn urine anointed Phaedreaux's hair with the scent of violets and daffodils and asparagus

(sung/spoken)
He came upon a cave, and as he approached it a band of magical multicolored monkeys happily sped toward Phaedreaux as if he were the 201st Golden Banana (Golden Banana)

(spoken)
The pungent scent of violets and urine that flowed from Phaedreaux's shiny golden locks attracted the magical monkeys, who soon got firm erections

The multicolored monkeys with their firm fluorescent penises penetrated Phaedreaux's eardrums and made him hear colors and emotions

Phaedreaux's heart was opened like a secret locket that opened out and unfolded endlessly into endless unfolding, radiating a pungent yet fragrant odor to purify the bathroom universe

(sung)

(Bathroom universe)
His face was flushed, and he felt a rush of chocolate screaming mountain stream lovers who hovered around and over his head, wondering why his hair was so fragrant and pungent

Phaedreaux closed his eyes and saw the truth that he had seen all there was for him to see and more, and that he had completed his quest

Phaedreaux felt a sad sense of satisfaction, but he had to acknowledge that he had changed, so he thanked the planet for unlocking some of her secrets unto him
(Thank you, Mother Earth
Thank you, Mother Earth
Thank you, Mother Earth
Thank you, Mother Earth)

And Phaedreaux was sad and dejected, bereft and broken, unspoken for, unable to think for himself or dream of better times