Already

Submerged in a pool of pity I feel me soaking
This cash money got me menaging
With pills and potions
I'm in the mirror with a pill
Bottle and I'm finna down em'
My OCD said "how many
But who's really counting
If the faith of a mustard seed
Could just inch a mountain
How did I get this far and
What am I tripping bout' then
I'm sure by now if I'm supposed to
Live I'd have thought of Something
Just in case somebody hears me
Left the water running
Off of nothing and group
Sessions and safety plans
More acid re-flux and sharp
Pains like safety pins
And unbeknownst side effects for med's
But take the chance
I would've used a burner
Homie's keep me away from them
So now were here in this bathroom
And if this actually kills me
I can't help but think what
My mama's reaction will be
A lot of people daily never
Will Tarrel be steady
And come to think about it
I'm probably in hell already
(In hell already)

I vividly remember the times homie
Started to ask myself
The more i read the more i see
The more i know we got both on earth homie
(Uh, that's real shit)

What we do in this lifetime
Echos for an eternity i created my own hell
That shit never occurred to me
Impulses unlike minds manifested when
The serpent speaks
But evil minds are just like mine
Maybe I did it purposefully
And that's not to say that I'm evil
I'm speaking generally about the people
We all know who controls what and
That's lethal how is that equal?
Tell me, do you control what they feed you?
Tell me, do you control what they teach you?
Well, see if you condone how they lead you
How you perceive the world that will be you
Maybe these thoughts are yours and not mine
Why we have thoughts to go and stop science
And if I'm really lost I
Know that I'll find
Nothing is impossible in our minds
Meaning if I think it could just be existent
Or whether I'm ceasing slipping, breathing
Living
I'mma still find the will to reach within
If I'm dropping know that I'll climb
All of the time, my body and soul
I'm out of control i gotta' grip hold
My solid composure and climb out of this
Hole I'm not in this globe
I'm standing on my creation
And be damned if i don't bite temptation
So there's a chance to go off the matrix
I'm in hell already (In hell already)

Real life real life
That's where I'm at homies
You know what time it is homies
Just take a broad look at everything
You'll see my vision