Prepare to be Probed

Attention earthlings, this is a
Public service announcement, we
Have come to administer your
Age required examination
Prepare to be probed

I wouldn't call myself a terrestrial
I'm a little extra though
Nonetheless, a professional
I keep a colonoscopy conventional
I wanna let you know
Colon cancer is preventable
So keep your cheeks protected, bro
But did I come in peace? I gotta answer no
Like ET if he never had a phone
And there wasn't anybody who
Could send him home
So the alien became an animal
And went to war with Russia
- it's getting cold
I don't mean to press, but I'm meant to probe
If you get uncomfortable, U F right O
Ever been abducted? Better check below
'Cause if you already have
Then I bet you'll know
An event horizon is passable
It doesn't matter how black the hole
If you interpret that to sound sexual
I got a special "package" - genitals
So I need a rundown of gender roles
But I'm in the sixty's - so whatever goes
Oh, that's digestible
Now I'll blast off without any edible
I'm a Rocketman, it's an Elton show
Then I'm on your head like a whack-a-mole
I'll be in my saucer anywhere I go
But if you get sucked up -
Don't be scared at all
I'll say: take me to your leader
Greetings, pleased to meet you
I know today's occasion so I can sing

Happy birthday, you're fourty five
(it's not my birthday)
It don't feel like a real celebration
('cause it's not)
'Cause you know it's so close to the time
(uh?)
For your first rectal examination (oh my god)
Now the doctor's in, yes, he's almost in
And you know this much 'cause
The gloves are thin
This invasion is saving the world
So bend over and spread the word

Just come down from outerspace
To take your loved ones out without a trace
I'll end their lives in a thousand ways
And then get back in my ship
And turn around - good day
There's an alien invasion
And they want to know my location
Total anal annihilation
As they dial up the dilation
I say: sir, that's rather forward
You've made the relationship kind of awkward
S'all good, but could you, please
Finish up and bloody leave?
Jeez, thank you, oh, some folk here
Don't seem to know when
They're being inappropriate
Wait a moment, hmm, oh no
It clearly isn't over yet, it's only
Just beginning
And I don't know when they're going again
They didn't have the decency to phone ahead
Look overhead!
Did you-did you know we're dead?

Happy birthday, you're fourty five
It don't feel like a real celebration
'Cause you know it's so close to the time
For your first rectal examination
Now the doctor's in, yes, he's almost in
And you know this much 'cause
The gloves are thin
This invasion is saving the world
So bend over and spread the word