People Were Morons

We look back and say, "People were morons
They were lunatics, numbskulls and harebrains
'cause in old times the bars allowed smoking
And ashtrays were built into airplanes!
Such schmucks those poor nicotine addicts
They'd freak out if one hour or minute
Their mouths should feel nervous and naked
Without some cigarette to stick in it!"

But if you could give me the choice now
To end up as a lung cancer'd crone
To be hooked on Marlboros or Camels
Versus now being hooked on my phone
Wеll at least smoking looked freakin' badass
For rеbels and rock bands and rappers
Men and women who did things their own way
Cool cowboys and beatniks and flappers

But right now with my smartphone addiction
Just like yours, just like hers
Just like theirs
We're all shopping at one big mcdonalds
With one drug for both rebels and squares
And I know future folks will all mock us!
Call us dumbasses, clowns and unfortunates
Falling prey to an all day addiction
Willing slaves to the corporate extortionists

They'll look back and say
"People were morons
They were lunatics, numbskulls and harebrains
'Cause in old times the
Bars allowed smartphones
And USB ports were built into airplanes!
Such schmucks those poor phone
And web addicts
They'd freak out if one hour or minute
Their eyes should feel nervous and naked
Without some kind of phone to stick in it!"

Those old smokers at work desks or discos
We look back and say "God, they were clueless
To puff away, hooked in all places
No modern smart person would do this
Such smokers, such exploited suckers
So deceived by the cruel corporations
That would prey on their
Poor helpless lung cells
With that addiction that swept
Through all nations!"

Oh but now we're so smart and so healthy!
We'd never be such hopeless junkies
Yeah but now we're addicted to smartphones!
It's the new trick that's made us all monkeys
We say "Gee, won't a smoker just quit it?
Go cold turkey! Be brave! Be empowered!
'Cause in cars or in rock clubs or diners
You keep grabbing your smokes like a coward!"
Yeah you look down your nose at those addicts
At the terrible things smokers did
They couldn't stop it at work
Time or play time
They'd even do it in front of their kid!
But you try to go one day without phones
Let alone get to total sobriety ha!
Those smokers would run rings around you!
They'd all laugh while you die from anxiety

Now just see who the more helpless victim is
With the addiction that keeps us unfocused
Which now preys on our poor helpless mucuses
And swarms Earth like a ravenous locust
So those smokers were just downright lucky
Man it was possible at least
To kick those things
Now watch me step out, light up
And check Instagram 'Cause my dumb ass is
Addicted to both things!

They'll look back and say
"People were morons
They were lunatics, numbskulls and harebrains
'Cause in old times the
Bars allowed smartphones
And USB ports were built into airplanes!"