Personal

I used to pray beside my bed
Like in a storybook, I knelt
My heart was open wide
Hopeful and terrified
But slowly all those feelings died

When all my little whispers
They vanished into nothing
Like reaching in your belly
And coming out with stuffing
I'm looking to the heavens
And screaming, "Come and get me!"
I could have been an angel
Oh, if they'd only let me

It's like a personal insult from God
Don't you think it's mighty odd
How every time I try for grace
It blows up in my ugly face?
A personal rejection man
Guess I just don't fit the plan
All despite my every plea
He closed those pearly gates on me

I went to worship in my teens
I was the youngest in that hall
I sat through hours of songs of praise
"Lamb of Love"
But still no signals from above

So, I wandered all around and
I'd visit holy places
But all of them were hollow
Not even any traces
And that heart began to harden
That hope is just a memory
If I meet a true believer
I will admit to envy

Yeah, fuck the things you know
And fuck who told you so
It's a medieval a rumor
And I lost my sense of humor
'Cause everything will rot
Yeah, this is all you got
Take care of yourself
There ain't nobody else

It's a personal insult from God
Don't you think it's mighty odd
Every time I try for grace
It blows up in my ugly face?
Personal rejection man
Guess I just don't fit the plan
All despite my every plea
He slammed those pearly gates

And this time it's personal

Bodies in the river
History in my hands
I read the ancient books
And I don't understand

Dull words don't deliver
In churches built on sand
I'm barred from entry to the promised land

This time it's personal

It's like a personal insult from God
Don't you think it's mighty odd
Every time I try for grace
It blows up in my ugly face?
Personal rejection man
Guess I just don't fit the plan
All despite my every plea
He closed those pearly gates on me

Personally stole from him
Feel his fingers digging in
Choking out my spirit with a beatific grin

And still so silent