Envy the Dead

You began deep in my subconscious
I let you grow self-confident
So you crawled out under the surface
And degradation took effect
Now I yearn back to the original
To my long lost innocence
Forfeit: my dreams of normality
The world is without a sun denied

You hurt so bad, I can't stand myself
Giving up has crossed my mind
To write my last will and testament
To write my last goodbyes
Then drown me and abandon me
Let the currents carry me home
To my rightful place in the ocean
Consoled by the simple fact that I died

And then I wake up
How?
I envy the dead
And their forever freedom
How?
I envy the dead
And their non-confrontation

When they die free
How?
I envy the dead
And their inevitable end
How?
I envy the dead
For their lack of progress