Horrible Christmas Carols

[Silent Night]
Silent night, not quite
What a noise, what a sight
Drunken peasants swaying around
Trying to sing, an ungodly sound
They're all out wassailing
If they think that's in tune, they're failing

Silent night, it's come to light
Often ended in a fight
That's the Middle Ages for you
It is funny because it's true
Not very peaceful or quiet
Basically, it was a riot

[Good King Wenceslas]
Good King Wenceslas was not
Like the carol you sing
Didn't help peasants, that's rot
Was a Duke, not a King
He didn't collect firewood
Nor trudge through the cold snow
Though that story is quite good
The truth we think you should know

Born in 907 AD
He came from Bohemia
And spread Christianity
To people near and far
But what happened to the Duke
Not nice to discover
This next bit may make you puke
Murdered by his brother

[We Wish You a Merry Christmas]
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
We wish you a merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Though monarchy's back
The Puritans gone
Though everything's better
Some things still go wrong

[O Christmas Tree]
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
You really came from Germany
An ancient German tradition
Was based on a superstition
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
Brought here under King George 3
His wife was German, thanks to her
The Palace got its Christmas fir

O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
Then only known by royalty
'Twas not till Queen Victoria
That you became so popular
She gave Christmas another lift
When under the tree she put gifts
O Christmas Tree, o Christmas Tree
Now I know your true history