Dialogue 5

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
So as I understand it, the grounds for divorce are mutual neglect. 

[WALTER, spoken]
That's right. We uh, we work different shifts you see. Lulu does night work. 

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
Then why isn't she here now? It's broad daylight! How can I be expected to divorce you successfully, or even get a separation, if you won't stay together in one room? We still have to Polaroid Mrs. Stapleton's teeth. 

[HAIG, spoken]
Yes, I, I've got the camera here. 

[BLINT, spoken]
I, uh, just popped up to see if I was disturbing you. 

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
To be frank Mr. Blint, you are! Heh heh, there you are, Mrs. Stapleton, yes. If it's money you're after, I'm willing to rent your hole (Ah!) for an agreed period. 

[BLINT, spoken]
Oh no! I was just telling Mrs Stapleton about the piano and the wind. I also mentioned that though my musical orientation is more Bach than Beach Boys, I do take an interest in the world of popular music. I'm something of an expert, but can be fallible. I remember being very surprised by Gene Chandler and the "Duke of Earl." I never saw that as chart material. The lyrics meant little to me: "Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke"

[HAIG, spoken]
Would you smile please, Mrs. Stapleton?

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl"

[LULU, spoken]
Smile? Me? What about?

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke"

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
Not about anything! We need the documentation!

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke"

[HAIG, spoken]
How do these bloody things focus?

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke"

[WALTER, spoken]
I've never seen her smile before. I'm not sure that I like it. 

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke"

[HAIG, spoken]
Sorry Roland! It seems to be developing in spite of everything. 

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke"

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
You can stop smiling now, Mrs. Stapleton. It's getting on my nerves!

[BLINT, spoken]
"Duke, Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl
Duke, Duke"
They didn't grab me. On the other hand, I was the first to recognize "At the Hop" as a chart-bound sound. You see Danny and the Juniors had a— Well, never mind. I see that I'm distracting you from your work—and me from mine. 

[VOICE OVER LOUDSPEAKER, spoken, in background]
This is the police. This is the police. Do not be alarmed. We are evacuating this area for your own safety. Please leave quietly on transport provided. 

[WALTER, spoken]
That's what me dad used to say: "The feast is more than enough."

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
Now, if all relevant parties will sign the Polaroid—

[LULU, spoken]
How do you spell "Stapleton," Walter?

[WALTER, spoken]
It's now with an S, though. S—that's right—T-A-P—no—P—the other way. 

[LULU, spoken]
Oh, oh. 

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
How can I be expected to carry on in an orderly fashion, if in addition to Mr. Blint and his hole (Ah!), or attic, I'm consistently distracted by your goldfish, Mr. Haig! Have you no control over this goldfish, or was this goldfish installed deliberately to distract?

[WALTER, spoken]
I think he just wants to get out. 

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
And so do we all. I never wanted to come in! But how can I concentrate with one eye on the demented goldfish, and the other on some crank downstairs, who talks about the wind and his piano? Wind and pianos are not the issue!

[HAIG, spoken]
Yeah, I'm sorry about Roland. My, my secretary forgot to remind me to feed him. I'll give him a snifter of what I'm having. That usually works with me. Now, that's better. Now, where was I, and—where were you, and—where was everybody?

[BLINT, spoken]
This attic is exactly seventeen points southwest of the pyramid, of which you've doubtless seen photographs. 

[HAIG, spoken]
Mr. Blint, we're trying to sort something out. If you'd like to take a seat and listen quietly by all means do so. If you don't, don't. 

[BLINT, spoken]
No, it's not that. I just wanted to point out that pyramids are similar to icebergs, which are basically E-flat. What you see in these photographs is only the tip of the pyramids. Whereas it's a matter of record that pyramids continue endlessly downwards till they come out of the other end as the top of deserts. Deserts being one of the few places where you don't get much fire or flooding. 

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
We are not here to discuss fire, flooding, or E-flats. 

[VOICE OVER LOUDSPEAKER, spoken, in background]
This is the police. This is the police. If there is anybody remaining in this area, please leave immediately. Please leave immediately. 

[BLINT, spoken]
In that case I leave you to weightier matters. Would you like me to calm your goldfish, Mr. Haig ?

[HAIG, spoken]
Roland can take care of himself. He always has. 

[BLINT, spoken]
On your own head be it. 

[LULU, spoken]
The fish! Look at it!

[PEPPERMAN, spoken]
So he's jumped out of the window!

[HAIG, spoken]
Oh God! Poor old Roland. 

[WALTER, spoken]
That's life—gone today, gone tomorrow.