meant for me (bonus track)

Last time that my days were great was maybe round the age of 8
Age of 9 things were fine but friends were really hard to find
Age of 10 I made some friends and life felt so amazing then
Age 11, pain was pressing friends were leaving made depressing
Bullying just pulled me in to constant fear and and aches and stressing
Age of 12 the pain was felt, bruises, scars and stains and welts
Most my friends had left for good so age of 12 a few were left
But I was fighting, constant trying, felt like I was due respect
But thats not how it works, see the tears fall down my shirt
Felt I wasn't good enough and home was never full of love
Mainly empty, pain would tempt me, days were rarely looking up
Plagued with envy, pray the lord was saving up Gianluca's luck
Started high school, know nobody, times were just the loneliest
Eating lunch alone, and no connections with my only friends
Joined a group there after weeks, but still I found it hard to eat
Couldn't stand the test of time cause soon a newer friend of mine
Stabbed me with a protractor now that trust for friends was hard to keep
Back to being alone but then I'd start to make an effort
Peace was found and reaching out so soon I gained some friendships
Built a group - around a dozen, soon I felt the downs were coming
Falling into doubt I suffered, stupid me I'm bound to plummet
Group divided, who am I with, can't conclude on who I'd side with
Stupid, crying, doomed and hiding, Giani what are you deciding?
Picked a side, switched the side, switched again, I miss my friends
Now I'm seen as flakey, think that everybody hates me
No one wants to take me, and the bullying was daily
Made some friends they turned as well
Days where only hurt was felt
Cry alone I'd yearn for help
Die alone and burn in hell
'018 December thinking nothing's getting better
So i took that belt and tethered hoping no one would remember
I was vulnerable and tender, yet professional pretender
On the outside held together but I crumbled in the centre
Last year of my schooling I was so depressed and sick for months
Stayed at home in pain alone and somehow felt a kick for once
Delved into my passion and I really started rapping
No one checking in with me, I'm over all the misery
I feel it in my spirit deep, so let me make it happen
Finished high school, took a break
Watch the art Gianluca paints
Watch the heart Gianluca makes
Watch the past Gianluca breaks
Took the pain, shook away and I began to look for days
Made it through to uni, didn't care how people viewed me
Didn't think will people screw me
My trust was back and love was back
I loved me and I knew me
My trust was back and love was back
I loved me and I knew me

Made some friends, hoped they would last
Made amends to change the past
But soon enough the days were dark
My love had turned to pain and scars
I can't get too specific but just know my youth is finished
2 brutal years, abuse and tears, the pain is super vivid
As soon as I was treated right, it quickly changed to sleepless nights
Cannot find my peace of mind, took my heart I'll leave this life
So you see its been a decade every year my life decayed
Fighting all my life I'm losing strength to fight this pain
The clouds been drowning out the light I can't see brighter days
If i drop its not to stop, I'm tryna fly away
Every time I find some love it always seems to end for me
Everyone that loves me is just bound to leave eventually
Too much pain it weighs on me I just can't handle mentally
Don't think love is meant for me, don't think life is meant for me