The Dodgy Pint

Well last Saturday it was me and the lads went on the tear
Dressed up to the nines looking suave and debonair
Down to the city center for a mighty night o' fun
There were colleens to be charmed, There was scoopin' to be done
Well, somehow in the night I got looped out of me gourd
Feeling weak n' woozy, sick as a plane to Lourdes
Me legs were getting wobbly, me head began to swim
Everything went blurry and the room began to spin
And the room began to spin

Well the floor crept up behind me and gave me a mighty smack
I was staring at the ceiling like a turtle on me back
"I meant to do that!" I exclaimed trying to keep me cool
But I was speaking foreign languages and drooling like a fool
So I crawled off on all fours like a mangy rabid dog
To find the porcelain phone and have a talk with God
Now understand t'was not the boozin' that made me feel unwell
It was obvious to all I'd had some tainted alcohol
I'd had some tainted alcohol

Chorus:
T'was not the one at "O'Brien's" I'll tell you for sure
Or the 'ould County Clare, that's an excellent pour!
The shot down at "Guero's" of Jose Cuervero
Or the tonic and gin at "The Odd Fellows Inn"

T'was not the lager with curry
Or the doner kebab I ate coming home in the back of the cab
The blue margarita, down at "The Blue Peter"
The pink mind eraser, the ale with the chaser
The Old Spotted Cow that I drank at "The Plough"
Now that one I recall nearly started a brawl
Yes that tenth one I had, that one must have been bad
The last one of the night, t'was the ould dodgy pint

(Chorus)
Well I awoke in pain n' sufferin' not a clue how I got home
When me sight began to clear I saw that I was not alone
A bagpiper inside me head was playin' a dreadful tune
A goat was fast asleep in the corner of me room
A halfway eaten thing, I tink, it was a pickled egg
Was squished inside me trouser pocket dripping down me leg
There was a stop sign in the toilet, undies hangin' from the light
"Oh No!" I said unto meself "God damn that dodgy pint
God damn that dodgy pint"

So take this as a warning all you revelers young and old
Learn your lesson well from this story you've been told
If you wake up pale and sickly fully clothed inside your bed
Your stomach all in pieces feeling slightly like you're dead
It's not a vampire chupacabra or demonic wizard’s spell
No witch’s curse or potion condemned you to this hell
No my friends its something worse that’s left you in this plight
You've been the latest victim of another dodgy pint
Of another dodgy pint!