The Irony of Ministry

I feel undone
I feel like the string has been pulled to the end of its run
Yet still there's more
In this broken world

Oh and I don't
I don't want to think about it
Cause I know
How easy it is to drown in it

So I ignore
What my heart is crying for

Cause I'd rather push down
Than let things out
It's a fault of mine that I'm sure you're aware of now

Cause I don't know how to just speak with you
And I've never really learned how to just be with you

So I ignore
What my heart is crying for

On paper I had everything
The beautiful and shiny things
And people knew my name
But did they really know me?

I'd push away the deeper things
Surface level was my everything
Do I even know the real me?

Check the boxes off the task list
Keep myself busy so I don't notice
All the brokenness inside of me

The life vest given to me
Has puncture holes and now I'm sinking
Do I even know how to swim?