Bastard

You know what? I just woke up in a coma
With a boner, I think that last Corona made me sober
Or maybe I just died, maybe I'm just high
Cause I just turned my main bit to my lady on the side, yeah
I'm a couple cakes short of a slice
You thought you could try, you thought I wasn't naughty but nice
You can have the lord on your side, but I swear
More than one of you squares, you'll die like the plural for dice
She was into stuff, I got her to pick me up
Now I'm playing FIFA while I'm getting my willy sucked
Just conceded a goal, but I don't give a fuck
Cause I'm getting my willy sucked
I'm going to hell, I'm going, I know so
But before I go, I wanna go to the MOBOs
Roll out the black carpet
Cause I'm a fucking mixed-race black bastard
John Terry agrees, I tell a blonde "get on your knees
Baby, show me how your life's more fun"
She asked "how you doing?", I replied "your mum"
She was like "awesome", I was like "you're dumb"
And it don't make any sense, but nor does the fact
Your broad's living on my balls and she don't pay any rent
Don't be taking offence to what I'm saying again
What am I saying again? Fucking, um...
A couple bad bitches both tryna suck mine
At the same time, got a nigga feeling tongue-tied
Uh, if life sucks, let it suck nice
Both double Ds, two girls, one cup size
This could get political, surely
Party in my pants and it isn't the Tories
I-I-I told her "you've got five seconds to leave
1, 2, 3, 4
5, get on your knees"
She said she ain't sucking me
What? I wonder if tea-bagging's her cup of tea
Mother, fucker, straight from the gutter
Plus I only love her if she makes me a cuppa
Uh, I only love her if her face says she's coming
You had three whole minutes, you could've faked it or something
Or something, oh well, the world still spins
As long as your wallet is still fat and your girl's still thin
Yeah, yeah
I guess I really am a fucking bastard