Playing Dead

Sitting in some hotel bar in Oregon
I know I shouldn't risk my health
But if I could forget
Myself then maybe I could fix
How I've been sleeping

I listen to the way I speak to strangers
It probably isn't worth remarking but
I swear that once I was
Charming and now my conversations
All get heated

I just made myself laugh to think I once
Assumed that I knew better than my mother
Let me shed awful costume
Every word I said that made
The ones I love upset
I've spent too long playing dead
I'm old enough to know that I know nothing
Though I cеlebrate merе speculations
Innocently I believe them
I'm still young enough to trust my feelings

I tell myself to recognize my failings
The useless lies I hide behind, hell
I'm too shy to meet your eye
I tell myself that maybe I should stay clean

I just made myself laugh to think I once
Assumed that I knew better than my mother
Let me shed awful costume
Every word I said that made
The ones I love upset
I've spent too long playing dead

Didn't kill me but I don't feel stronger
From toxic thoughts
My minds a train that can't be stopped
I'm not sure that I can
Handle it much longer

I just made myself laugh to think I once
Assumed that I knew better than my mother
Let me shed awful costume
Every word I said that made
The ones I love upset
I've spent too long playing dead