/7/99

My dad and my mom are mostly one of the same
My mom played both rolls that caused nothing but pain
So as I carry on the day, looking nothing but plan
Knowing well my pops is locked up in bundles of chains
And it's been 7 years since my mom got put in that grave
Don't think I'll ever feel again my heart is filled up with rage
Cuz if my life was like a book?
Id be stuck on the page
From like 5 years ago, but granted nothing's the same
It's kinda hard to point the finger when there's nothing to blame
Ever harder becoming rich when there ain't shit to obtain
In this little ass state so I fill up the page
With my life in a ink form
With hopes of Gettin a raise
From a job I barley like,
But shit I gotta get paid
Cleaning up after all these people, start to feel like a maid
But all these managers and owners feel like they got it made
Ain't fell this way before I know my mind is locked in a maze
And Erins looking down
So I know she probably amazed
Probably questioning what's going on because Im not who she raised
Contemplating suicide
I hope this feeling never stays
I'll substitute that for a crime of wave and try and catch a case
Cuz I heard that that's the biggest sin
And all of this is coming from not a soul ever listening, You think it's petty, buts it's heavy
I done payed my dividends but still feel like I went on trial and ready for sentencing
I ain't even living man
Feel like I ain't live yet
So much up on my plate
So much weight on my chest
I bench press
I'll smile in your face shake ya hand
But just know I been stressed
That's just a cry for help just incase you have any Interest
In my well being
If not then it is Invisible
And even if it wasn't they'd never ask what got into you
They brush it off
Dismiss it then wonder why you so cynical
Im a troubled individual
I had bad habits way before I knew what the pen could do
Causing more damage then the sword so had to pick n choose
Always the type to bend the rules
But glad to say I graduated
Couldn't always get to school
Miss the buss or skipped
There really wasn't much I didn't do
But learning and maturing kinda turned me to a different dude
I'm preaching you my winter blues
Devil on my shoulder
Mama said don't let em get to you
And bet when I get older I'll start seeing shit
Threw different views
A bird's eye at that
Than start picking out all the hidden clues
Like what was going threw my mamas head oh shit I wish I knew
Cuz I ain't ever know her like she knew me and that's difficult/
Well I knew her
But I ain't know her too well
Didn't know her dreams and nightmares
Or how lonely she felt
Didn't know the story that she told that I'll continue to tell Didn't know friends
She was against or all the
Foes that she helped
This is dedicated and locked to all the young-ins in the struggle
When you feel that alls against you and nobody ever loved you
And you living all alone in this world and trapped in a bubble
That you never can escape
Untill you finally crumble
Or get off ya ass and get ya own deciding to hustle
You Doing 90 on 95 you crash and forgot to buckle
Now you breathing threw a tube, and they feeding you through a funnel
Shit
Thats an unfortunate action
A wise man told me once that the laws of attraction has almost everything to do
With the law of detachment
Like theres that girl you see in school
And you know all of her classes
So you go out ya way everyday in order fashion Hoping that one day she gone see you
Man that's all you image
But as the days past she does too so you know it's hitting harder
There goes the next day and the next, so you starting to disregard her
Then a week past
Hey how you doin its nice to meet ya
It's the same in this game, they see you blow then want a feature
But never picked you on there team when your ass was locked on the bleachers
They leaches
They wanna break you but never help with the pieces
It's clean up time
This my life and I got a reason
To act the way I've been acting
The reasons how I was treated
My plan is to come take action
While actually spreading meaning
I know that no man is perfect, don't you ever believe it
Need an addition on to my closest
Space to bury my demons
Believe non of what you hear and even less
What your seeing
The devil comes in most form and even all is deceiving