You Won’t Ask

One day, I woke up from a dream
Thinking I'm fine and ok but nothing was the same
You know, I used to think I loved you so much more
But I was insecure, and weak, and acted like a whore
Because it’s glorified
The casual casual casual sex mantra seemed so dope
Until I found the abyss at the end of the rope
With no heart, with no future, no home, and no hope

You won't bother
(I wish you could've been saved)
Won’t get sober
(Can't get out of the grave)
Won't get worried
(Oh, the karma, thе fate)
Won't be sorry
(‘cause now, it's too latе)

It all turned out so dumb, we used to play this game of
I'm the masochistic sub, and you are the brutal dom
It was cool at the time, and much needed, I guess
Pain therapy and pleasure to relieve the stress
I wanted to laugh my head off
God, that patch was rough
And nothing was ever enough
You had a thing for wine
I had a thing for you
Hands down asinine!
What a fucking waste of
What a fucking waste of time!

It was odd when I got
So used to your bends
They were like carcinogens
To me
Finally
I can admit I've been wrecked
Embracing pain and neglect
This fucking calamity made me sick and bittersweet
I've been a codependent addict, and my drug was you
‘Cause I was hooked up on this kindness and empathy narrative drool
I set no boundaries. Fuck me! I’ve been an idiot
Low self-esteem, incipient

You won’t bother
(I wish you could've been saved)
Won’t get sober
(Can't get out of the grave)
Won't get worried
(Oh, the karma, the fate)
Won't be sorry
(‘cause now, it’s too late)

Masochistic
(I've been nymphomaniacal)
Narcissistic
(You've been megalomaniacal)
Perfect escape
(Self-punishing)
Into a hellscape
(Sex was astonishing)

It felt sexual to be left in the cold
To be broken, and to be controlled
Neglected, rejected, and disrespected
What a train wreck! It's been so sick and demented
I kept asking myself why, why, why?
Well, that's because we both wanted the crazy high
A spiral of death with no love in sight
A safe haven for our demons in broad daylight

You won't ask me why I shed bitter tears
You won't ask me why was I buried in fears
You would've never asked ‘cause you couldn't understand
And I get it now but you're already dead
But asking would've been pointless and wouldn't make any sense
It was none of your business that I've been such a mess
And it wasn't my job to cuddle your ego and be your momma
My shit was mine, your shit was yours, end of the drama

You won't bother
(I wish you could've been saved)
Won't get sober
(Can't get out of the grave)
Won't get worried
(Oh, the karma, the fate)
Won't be sorry
(‘cause now, it's too late)

Masochistic
(I've been nymphomaniacal)
Narcissistic
(You've been megalomaniacal)
Perfect escape
(Self-punishing)
Into a hellscape
(Sex was astonishing)

I'm taking ownership of myself
I'm taking ownership of myself
I'm taking ownership of myself
Of myself

What a waste of time asking why
Get out of the cycle, stop loving a lie
What a waste of time asking why
Get out of the cycle, start living a life
What a waste of time guessing why
It doesn't matter, time to heal, and accept, and get a life
What a waste of time guessing why
It doesn't matter, time to heal, and accept, and get a life

What a waste of time asking why
What a waste of time asking why
What a waste of time guessing why
What a waste of time guessing why