The History of Utah

He was a riverboat gambler
He was the son of the chief of police
He was a riverboat gambler
He was the son of the chief of police

He drove around in a Rambler
And he had a message from the chief
He drove around in a Rambler
He had a message from the chief

And old Joe did and said as he would
Took all the shopping carts in the mall
And took 'em to Utah, which was Zion
He built an empire out of the desert
Out of the dust and the sand, just like Las Vegas
But he never took the rap that the mafia did
And he thought the Indians were some lost 13 dudes
But he didn't treat 'em any better
And they were never on his side
They drove their pickup trucks out into the desert
Into a ditch along the side of the road
And acted like they were drunk all the time

And old Joe had 13 beady-eyed babies
One of whom I used to go to school with
He'd drive his car at 110 down the alleyway
Throwing cinderblocks at trash cans
And I declare on this occasion that I've never seen this heaven, or this place any differently
But now and then I dream of the flying saucers, and they're coming to take us away