Opening - End of the World

EXT. CITY PARK COURTYARD - MIDDAY

A bustling center-city park, think Washington Square or Rittenhouse Square. A man with a sandwich board yells out his message while pedestrians walk in all directions

SANDWICH BOARD MAN
The end is nigh!
The world is dying as we sing
Angels crying to their kingdom in the sky:
The end is nigh!

AMANDA
What a perfect day, the kind that can wash away
Apathy and turn the double play
Of being seen and being liked. Hey, that’s me: so psyched, feelin’ cray-cray
On this perfect day, nothing standing in my way
Oh, “the end is nigh”? That tired cliché
More like the end is “nah”. Get out now just because it’s time to shout:
Don’t hold the applause for me ‘cause I’m on top today!

ELIZABETH
Mandy!
AMANDA
Liz!
ELIZABETH
What are you doing out in the middle of the day?
AMANDA
Grabbing lunch. I wanted to see how things taste as a SENIOR DIRECTOR, BITCH!!!
ELIZABETH
No!
AMANDA
Yes!
ELIZABETH
No!
AMANDA
Yes!
ELIZABETH
No!
AMANDA
(annoyed) Yes
ELIZABETH
That’s so awesome! And yes, matter of fact I would LOVE for you to buy me lunch and tell me all about it!

DANIEL
Someone told me that the world might end today
Someone said that this could all just go away
Sure, crazy crackpot spouting whatnot
Still this dark thought prompting me to say:
I could handle if the world would end today
I’m just saying that would kind of be ok
It ended once when she left with a “just because”, so it isn’t like it never does
Oh why in the world can’t the world just end today?

INT. SPACESHIP

Lights down on park scene, up on the navigation deck of a spaceship. Random beeping and lights blinking. An alien sits in front of a computer terminal

GLOBRON
I didn’t sign up for this, literally
Just another from-birth conscript, sittin’ pretty
On the nav deck, with all the stars that I’m viewin’
Sergeant’s like, “Globron, mind what you’re doin’!”
…[Sergeant] Globron, mind what you’re doin’!
Not entirely sure why we’re doin’ all this
Eleventy-eleven and something light years, I got myself found in
Eleventy-eleven and something light years, yeah, and countin’

Peon’s log, stardate whatever the Glorp it is. Thank Gleeble we’re almost there. To sum up: cramped in a metal tube for eleventy-eleven light years. Check it out: that dude over there? Jerk. Girl behind the star chart? Big jerk. In fact, no, you know what all these people are jerks. The food is bland. This guy next to me has been listening to Glohop Rock on his headphones way too loud. I mean, if I can hear it through the headphones, it’s way too loud, right? I guess Gloegs is ok, he shared his copy of "The Golden Sextant", and that’s not nothing. The rest of them though? Jerks

Eleventy-eleven and something light years of the same damn surroundin’
Eleventy-eleven and something light years, yeah, and countin’

EXT & INT SPLIT STAGE

Lights back up on park

[AMANDA, DANIEL & GLOBRON]
What a perfect day, the kind that can wash away
…Someone told me that the world might end today
……Eleventy-eleven and something
Apathy and turn the double play
…Someone said that this could all just go away
Of being seen and being liked. Hey, that’s me: so psyched, feelin’ cray-cray
…Sure, crazy crackpot spouting whatnot
…Still this dark thought prompting me to say:
On this perfect day, nothing standing in my way
…I could handle if the world would end today
……Eleventy-eleven and something
Oh, “the end is nigh”? That tired cliché
…I’m just saying that would kind of be ok
More like the end is “nah”. Get out now just because it’s time to shout:
…It ended once when she left with a “just because”
…So it isn’t like it never does
Don’t hold the applause for me ‘cause I’m on top today!
…Oh why in the world can’t the world just end today?
……Eleventy-eleven and something light years

SANDWICH BOARD MAN
The end is nigh!