Home in My Head

The actions I take
Decisions I make
It's all from behind
And not from inside
The way that I act
And the things that I say
It always comes off in the wrong way
And I cannot see what's inside of me
So how can I change what I cannot tame?
It gets so much worse
I put myself first
In front of another, a sister or brother

How can I find a way out of this abyss of doubt?
Fear/love/hate, so many things crowd my head as I sing

Oh how I wish I could take all this pain
And watch it all swirl down the drain
Until it's gone, it's all washed away
But for now, it's here to stay
It's alive and it's inside my mind
I cannot just shake it off or I die
But sometimes I think that I'm better off dead
'Cause these thoughts have unwound in their home in my head

The people I know
I watch their hate grow
Despising me for what they don't know
But what can I say? How can I explain?
'Cause even I don't understand these ways
This battle, this war that I face every day
I really just want it to go away
But I have found out that there's more to this doubt
There's more to disease
There's more to me

Before I fly away, I see I must stay
This gives me a purpose in life
Because what would I do?
I'm losing this fight