My Mysterious Uncle

[Intro]
My mysterious uncle, he's so mysterious
That no one in our family knows his name
But he remembers my birthday
Nobody knows who he's related to
But nevertheless, there he is at family occasions

[Verse 1]
Is he a ghost, did we get him in the post?
Is he worldly-wise, is he wearing a disguise?
Are we all hallucinating, is he a mirage?
Is he a criminal at large?

[Pre-Chorus]
What's in his pipe, it's disgusting

[Chorus]
My mysterious uncle, did he wander in off the street
And sit down to Christmas dinner onе year without anybody noticing?
I'm starting to wonder if that's evеn a real mustache
And what's he hiding behind his back?
Could it be sweeties?

[Verse 2]
He's got a lovely car and it's full of crumbs
I've noticed he has massive thumbs
He's got a tweed jacket and tobacco in a packet
He uses a guitar as a tennis racket

[Pre-Chorus]
What's in his pockets, it's digestives

[Instrumental]

[Bridge]
Inside his top hat, there is a cat
Inside the cat is a cricket bat
Inside the bat is a man called Matt
Who is a window cleaner

[Chorus]
My mysterious uncle, maybe he's a detective
Sent to investigate our family for a massive fraud
My mysterious uncle, he never speaks
Just looks from side to side mysteriously, well, that's alright by me
I hope I never find out what my mysterious uncle is all about