Afraid Of

I got some questions
Why life so messy
What is there to learn from all of this stressing
Man these messages be blurry
Life moves in a hurry
Hope I'm proud of myself when I hit 30
Got people back home hard headed like stone
Out on parole wishing they back in the hole
Hate the fact it makes sense
Man the system so bent
Just glad we right with God when we repent
If you know me, you know I ain't never scared
Even with death man I've never cared
I got some things on here thought I'd never share
But I'm still sharing, despite all my fears
Despite insecurities and vulnerabilities
I still open like a book for y'all to read
I sow the truth so y'all can seed the reap
No holding back lay it out all on the beat
(What are you afraid of?)
I don't know
Truth be told
The unknown
I just want answers
Uncle got cancer
Says God always been blessing him and he not a pastor
Life is getting much faster
Hope Heaven's right after
World is ending hope I'm gone with the rapture
Man why I keep rapping
Man I don't hear no clapping
I want a real reaction
Why they keep laughing
Friends saying they there for me I feel like they capping
Never felt so insecure so how did this happen
I'm not just speaking my mind, I'm just pouring my heart
Realized who in my life can't play that part
So started writing myself and that was a good start
Just sucks when the people that you love don't support your heart
I think this is anxiety at an all-time high
Never got it checked out but I'm tense all the time
Everything I do I feel like I'm wasting my time
I be wanting to talk but nobody hits my line
(What are you afraid of?)
I don't know
Truth be told
That I fold
I'm not afraid to die
I'm afraid to live for no reason
Never change things like the seasons
You can't say I don't have a purpose cause when I was a baby you know I was seizing
Doctors didn't even know the reasons
High School my heart stopped I shouldn't be breathing
Doctors still didn't even know the reason
That's God see
Man I'm so thankful
Woke up another day some people don't wake though
Going in my sleep seems like the nicest way to go
I'm 22, black and still alive in this world
I'm not a statistic I hope my folks proud yo
But what if they not though?
Say I do this for the fam but the fam not a fan tho
Want to light this dark world but feel like a candle
Can't let my fears stop me from reaching my potential and that's real tho
(What are you afraid of?)
I do know
Truth be told
I stay low